Milestone birthdays are either eagerly anticipated or send shivers down your spine. Here are our Top 10 reasons why 50 is fucking nifty.
If you learn something new every day, by age 50 we’ve amassed 18,250 meaningless facts. Did you know a kangaroo has three vaginas? You’re welcome.
With all those candles on your cake, the heating bill is low. Added bonus: the inner child inside your body loves to play with matches.
3. Low Maintenance
Good news is the hair on your legs grows so sparse you hardly need to shave. Great news is you have more time to work on your new mustache.
4. Chin Hair, Don’t Care
“Go on,” I whisper as I unfold my hands towards the open sky. A single fuck escapes my fingers, soaring gracefully into the air. “You’re free now,” I say. My last fuck is gone.
If you’re trying to find more hours in a day, look no further than the middle of the night. Think of it as more ‘me’ time.
When shit goes down and sides are taken, you know who is real and who is fakin’.
We spend half our lives dodging pregnancy scares. It’s a relief knowing your eggs are hard-boiled.
What’s a queen without a king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful…
Older women exude a quiet confidence without the need for approval ratings.
9. Mo’ money
Imagine the dough you’ll save when you forsake feminine hygiene.
Don’t think of it as an empty nest, think of it as parenting free-range young adults. Less attitude and eye rolling, more interesting conversations and beer sharing.
The lesson here today kids is no matter how old you are, focus on what really matters. Age sure as hell isn’t one of them.
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Makes me speechless too!
Thanks for helping me feel good about myself when I turn 50!
Oh, you’ve got two feet in the door baby!
random useless fact #149: Honking of car horns for a couple that just got married is an old superstition to insure great sex.
random useless fact #207: There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.
random useless fact #230: 3.9% of all women do not wear underwear…. WHERE DO THEY STORE THEIR $$$ BILLS;)
Hahaha, you slay me! No wonder our pretty little heads are cluttered. ❤