Who’s Your Paddy?
As an inexperienced 20-year-old, the first green beer I ever drank was at the boisterous Unicorn Pub. The emerald-tinted draught was skunky, flat, and lukewarm, but it didn’t stop me…
Recipe For Spring
In the average little house on the prairie: 🥶 Measure three weeks of bone-chilling weather 📉 Add continuous negative news feed 🤯 Grate in sporadic spousal irritation 🌥️ Reduce all…
Red, White, and Grey!
I believe there’s room in a crayon box for every single colour. Each wax stick can be drawn upon to make my world brighter and varied. However, for the past…
If I Were Cupid…
❤️ My only job is to make people fall in love. ❤️ I wouldn’t need a permit to carry a concealed weapon. ❤️ I’m supposed to be chubby. ❤️ I…
Dear Bra: It’s Not Me, It’s You!
As one of only two girls endowed with airbags in the fifth grade, I was the curiosity of my male classmates. One notably dim-witted boy grabbed the strap of my…
Fraternal Doers and Dreamers
At the exact moment I was born, the universe was at its maximum capacity for hyper-efficient women. One of the few traits still available was idler, and lucky enough, it…
I’m Having an Auto-body Experience
This isn’t another new year, new me post…but it kinda is. Every January, I resolve to sober up, tighten the purse strings, and lose the gunt. But by week three,…
The name’s Atric…Gerry Atric
When I was young and immortal, I presumed this bod would hold up from cradle to grave. However, our health scale teeters in a precarious balancing act. Often, the decades…
Fresh Outta Fucks
For years, I was really caught up in what people thought of me. The incessant need to be liked was exhausting. My malleable personality swung like a big long dong…
