The Best Parts of Summer Our Kids Will Never Know
1. Punch drunk The sugar buzz from gallons of purple Kool-Aid led to: a) a dental plan sponsored by sucrose b) a ‘stache stain that reappeared in my 50’s c)…
Kindergarten Election Guide: Vote Now or Cry Later
Listen up children, today’s lesson is on VOTING! Elections allow you to weigh in on important issues, such as snacks, naptime, crafts, and foreign policy. Our classroom’s going to get…
Relatable Pet Peeves With a Side of Sass
1. Waiting for the other person to stop talking, because I have something more important to say. 2. Dear small line of dirt that won’t go in the dust pan,…
Dear Bra: It’s Not Me, It’s You!
As one of only two girls endowed with airbags in the fifth grade, I was the curiosity of my male classmates. One notably dim-witted boy grabbed the strap of my…
Ole Lady ‘Limpics 2024
Welcome athletes! On this sunny summer day, the Sangria Sisters are about to embark on their inaugural run for the podium at the Ole Lady ‘Limpics. Live coverage is provided…
Sangria Sisters Confessional
Forgive me sisters, for I have sinned. It’s been 40 years since my last confession. In high school, I was suspended three days for skipping algebra. I’d bang away at…
The Liabilities of Being a Lefty
For thousands of years, left-handers were branded with a scarlet letter L. Deemed weak, luciferian, and mercilessly persecuted, while the almighty right-handers ruled the roost. By the 1960’s, corporal punishment…
Things That Make You Feel Young
1️⃣ Driving your kid’s stick shift with the windows rolled down 2️⃣ A high pony swishing back and forth across your shoulders 3️⃣ Letting your partner feel you up during…
Partners In Grime
By virtue of our vag, women are born into a life of servitude. Clean the latrine Cinderella. Febreze ‘til you wheeze Cinderella. This suzy homemaker is officially lowering the bar.…
