I’m Having an Auto-body Experience
This isn’t another new year, new me post…but it kinda is. Every January, I resolve to sober up, tighten the purse strings, and lose the gunt. But by week three,…
The name’s Atric…Gerry Atric
When I was young and immortal, I presumed this bod would hold up from cradle to grave. However, our health scale teeters in a precarious balancing act. Often, the decades…
Chugga Chugga Toot Toot
When we were young, Mom preferred to use the word “spark” in lieu of fart, as potty humour was reserved for stinky boys. “Eew, you sparked!” would have us rolling…
Surviving Ovarian Retirement
Shortly before my 49th birthday, internal alarm bells set off a menacing chime. “Why is she so snarky?” my pursed lips asked my clenched jaw. “Why is she so snacky?”…
Time For Another Edition of “What The Hell Is Happening To My Body!”
Welcome to 55+, known to us crusty cool cats as the corn husk years. The era where your body demands attention, akin to a cactus with a flair for the…
If Men Had A Uterus
1. Going forward, Aunt Flo's visits will be man-dated to 3-5 business days, open on weekends. 2. Masculine hygiene commercials would depict a hockey slash/gash crime scene with blood flowing…
A Pain In The Ass
When I was young, I assumed that when I got old, my body and mind would inevitably go to pot. Inexperienced me thought everyone died of “old age,” so up…
I’m Holding My Vegetables Hospice
It’s the first week of January, and I’m finally sober enough to go for groceries. My limp from a Christmas catfight over the turkey in Aisle 5 has mostly healed.…
Your Mane Reproductive Rights
Imagine finding yourself in desperate need of a haircut, but you’re forbidden to touch your luscious locks. Well, what the fuck, you’ve had access to a barber shop for the…
