Your Mane Reproductive Rights

Imagine finding yourself in desperate need of a haircut, but you’re forbidden to touch your luscious locks.

Well, what the fuck, you’ve had access to a barber shop for the last 50 years.

You have no desire to grow your hair long. Nobody your age does.

You don’t want to look after it. What a tangled mess.

And your broke ass simply can’t afford it.

The elderly have chosen how you’ll wear your hair now. They say it’s the bee’s knees.

Salons have been forced out of business, and will be shutting their doors soon. Get in on that closing sale.

Cutting your hair at home would have irreparable consequences. A hefty price to pay for a bang.

Next thing you know, you’re forced to drop the tweezers. Never pluck a stray again. With no plan B, you’ll grow to love that little comb-over.

Weirdly, your mane rights have been stripped to the roots. However, your roots are where you’re the strongest.

We predict a rise in good ol‘ blow-drys for the unforeseeable future. A call to knees, if you please!

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