Lifestyle

Tips and Tools To Get It On

I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the hole closed. Now I’m worried about my vagina.

Happy LOVE month! While grape therapists don’t qualify as sex therapists, we’ve been around the block enough times to give our own two cents.

Tip 1 – Choreplay

You know what’s sexy? A man riding the vacuum, shirtless. Giddy-up partner! The ultimate female fantasy is a spic and span house.

Sisterly advice: If you want her to get dirty, clean up.

Tip 2 – Food coma

Remember when strapping on a creamy alfredo feedbag, paired with a bottomless bottle of bubbly was buildup to a V-Day diddle.

Sisterly advice: Nothing says dealbreaker like gastrointestinal shame. Eat for pleasure, but go holly-go-lightly on the meal.

Tip 3 – O.school

Like an after school special, the more you know is useful. Let the O.school sex ed platform refresh your memory, or teach your old dog new tricks.

Sisterly advice: Choose the age, gender, and sexuality options, unless you want to see what your teenager already knows.

Tip 4 – Sisters are doing it for themselves

Erotic boutiques of today aren’t your father’s XXX store. Like pot shops popping up on every corner, tasteful upscale sex stores expose that women self-satisfying themselves is also now legal.

Sisterly advice: We recommend A Little More Interesting for guidance, or discreet online orders. Pop a 2 mg. edible gummy to make nookie more interesting.

Tip 5 – Surprise Seduction

I had a near-sex experience…my wife flashed before my eyes

●  Take control – men aren’t mind readers – plan your own perfect date

●  You don’t need a dirty mind, just a sexy imagination

●  Use thought foreplay/romance daydreams (think Rob Lowe & George Clooney)

●  Point your girls in the right direction with a new bra from Boutique Nine

●  Play a fun game like pool or trivial pursuit for sexual favours

●  Buy a massage oil (not lotion) and negotiate a back rub (not front) in exchange for a happy ending

❤❤❤

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