She’s Still Got Great Mileage

Following a rare, good night’s sleep you awaken feeling young and nubile. Overnight, your sexagenarian odometer clicked backwards, thus reversing your internal mileage. Click click.

You nail the right shade of lip stain, and the Starbucks barista says your ‘fit is bangin’. Securing reservations to the hottest restaurant in town, you cruise main street with your top down, shouting, “Bottoms up!” Three cheers for taking your date night bra out for a spin.

Click click, your milo-meter rolls back!

In a complete 180, you’ve slipped the orthotics from your sensible indoor Crocs into your snappy Keds. With lips brushing the phone you shout, “Hey Siri, I can’t find the fucking restaurant!” The candlelit table humbles you enough to pull out your readers, bellowing “Siri, turn on my flashlight!” Ding ding, forward you roll, and roll.

It’s a hip menu, but you’re not intimidated by the lack of mashed potatoes and veal cutlets. Click click, you’re back in reverse. You’re able to stay awake past 10 pm with nary a yawn, despite the bottomless wine. The boisterous table next to you invites you to karaoke night. Click click click. But, you couldn’t stop yourself from choosing Day-O, by Harry Belefonte. Ding ding-O!

Regardless of the accelerated mileage, vintage models LIKE YOU are timeless. You may break down every now and then, or require maintenance here and there, but you’re worth it. Reward yourself with a new paint job. Adorn that odometer with a dashboard hula doll. Classic hotrods are sexy, and a joy to ride, just remember to safeguard that corinthian leather!

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