10 Signs You May Be Over 50 – Men vs. Women
Sandbags, Coat hooks, Beagle ears What can we say, gravity’s a b-i-t-c-h. If you’re confident you’d clean up/wipe the floor in a saggy boob competition, you may be a woman…
Mood Swings
How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her... Her: Whenever I get the urge to rip your beating heart out of your chest, I’m just as surprised as you are. Call…
Let It F***ing Go
“So I just decided to let it go,” said no woman ever. When my beloved and I argue, I have the damndest time letting go. I’ll come out swinging with…
It’s Not Easy Being Green
Wacky tobaccy lovin’ leprechauns struck gold with Justin Trudeau's pledge to legalize marijuana. No matter what side of the rainbow you’re on, left-handed cigarettes are coming to a Ganga Gourmet…
It’s Raining, It’s Pouring…My Old Man Is Snoring
I’ve been jolted from a deep sleep more times than I can count. I’ve been kicked in the leg, punched in the shoulder, and head-butted...twice. At times, my husband’s action-packed…
Don’t Go Bacon My Heart
Every day after school, I’d rush home to a hearty bowl of vanilla ice cream drenched in chocolate syrup. Ice cream has always given me the straight scoop. There’s no…
What Happened To My Body?
A funny thing happened on the way to middle age. What happened to my eyesight? When the kids were little, I lovingly read the menu aloud to them. Now, in…
Romancing The Bone
There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL convertible. Let’s face it, after a number of years in…
Mid-Wife Crisis
When a women asks you to guess her age, it’s like deciding whether to cut the red, blue, or green wire to diffuse the bomb. Me: I worked at one…