Romancing The Bone

Harlequin romance introduced us to throbbing members, heaving bosoms, and honey pots. The formula was copy and paste, but women aren’t skimming the pages looking for a plot. With 6.2 billion books sold worldwide, it’s clear; wenches fancy sexy scenarios to save in ye olde spank bank.

e-Readers stimulated a boom of erotica best sellers. Steaming up a Kindle is discreet, and not nearly as awkward as making eye contact with a teenage sales clerk. The titillating trysts on Bridgerton turned intimate pillow talk into dinner table dialogue.

On average, eighty-five percent of men orgasm during sex, while only sixty-two percent of females bask in the post-coital glow. The magic button for m’ladies is the clitoris. A unicorn destination that many men have trouble finding, even with a handheld GPS.

If you learn how to navigate your own positioning system, you can teach him to stay on the grid. When you give a man a map, he’ll get you where you need to go. Just don’t expect him to stop and ask for directions.

Let’s face it, after a number of years in a committed relationship, intimacy becomes comfortable, familiar, sort of like mac n’ cheese. You can spice it up with ketchup, but it doesn’t pack that jalapeno heat. These old cirque du soleil hips aren’t as flexible, and his cardiovascular has hit the skids.

It’s hard to mimic a porn star performance sporting slippers and sweats. It’s even harder on a gal’s self-esteem to watch Linda Lovelace’s high and hard double D’s mock your long and wayward torpedoes.

When push comes to consensual shove, women are flattery operated. Compliments and praise are as gratifying as new batteries. Hugs that last 20 seconds or more stimulate oxytocin and dopamine, the love and pleasure hormones.

The most erotic organ in your body is the brain. Whether you’re having a ménage à moi or riding cowgirl with your pardner, seduce that big beautiful cerebellum of yours, and think yourself sexy. It’s all in your head!

Sangria Wine Rack

Anita Dyck SuggestsTips from Craven Morehead
Spritz a soft scent from your neck to your navel. Try Coors Light.A hug, touch, or sultry look is more effective than a hooter honk
Why aren’t men mind readers?Why do women think we’re mind readers?
If you're confident, you're sexyWomen prefer pitch black lighting
Set the tone early in the day. Eye contact, touch, suggestive textPhysical touch is a powerful aphrodisiac
Go to bed at the same timeDon’t poke her with it to check if she’s awake
No need to cock block every pass,
let him score sometimes
Intimate gestures are not always a prelude to sex
Be risquéBe romantic
Slip on your impractical, uncomfortable lingerieShit, shower, shave
Compliment him for doing a bang-up jobMen who do housework get laid more often

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  1. Kimberlie Stern

    Good job girls I apsolutely love this article,defiantly had me smiling❤️

  2. Dawn Marie Parker Pighin

    This was toooooo funny. Pretty sure everyone related to this. I was lmao xoxo

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