1. Playoff tickets? I’ll have to ask my wife first.
2. I have to take a piss. You wanna come?
3. That bathroom was disgusting.
4. I’ve got my father’s thighs.
5. Maybe you just need a good cry.
6. She looks like the marrying kind.
7. Life isn’t perfect, but my outfit is.
8. You can never have too many pairs of shoes.
9. Is he prettier than me?
10. I don’t like my pork pulled.
11. I don’t eat red meat. I’ll have the sushi.
12. I would never date her, she’s way too young.
13. Excuse me, could you give me some directions?
14. I like women with voluptuous vocabularies.
15. How do these jeans make me look from behind?
16. I need a bubble bath and some me-time to spark the mood.
17. It needs to be pre-heated first. I can’t just shove it in the oven.
18. People see me as handsome, but I’m so much more than that.
19. Ok, it’s been 10 years now. I’m starting to think I’m not just bloated.
20. Binge watch The Bachelor? Yes, please!
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