1. Don’t keep score (even if you’re totally winning)!
2. Don’t ask a woman eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
3. Don’t walk into your teenage son’s room and Axe what smells.
4. Don’t hide your crazy. Just trot out normal from time to time.
5. Don’t RSVP to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time.”
6. Don’t put your money where your mouth is, that’s gross.
7. Don’t judge. You haven’t walked in her shoes or ridden on her broom.
8. Don’t worry about getting older. You can still do dumb shit, only slower.
9. Don’t dwell on the past. Focus on the horrific things that may happen tomorrow.
10. Don’t say everything that’s on your mind. Leave a little something for your psychic.
1. Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls).
2. Eat a sandwich before you start yelling.
3. Use real butter. No margarine for error.
4. When in doubt, remember FISH…Fuck It Shit Happens.
5. Dance like a toddler, they don’t even care if there’s music.
6. Make sure the phone is completely hung up before you say something colourful.
7. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and STF up.
8. Have an in-depth chat with a five-year old so you can understand life again.
9. Throw in a hard workout every now and then. Rehydrate with margaritas.
10. Take my advice. I don’t use it anyway.
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