1. I’ve got my father’s thighs.
2. She looks like the marrying kind.
3. People see me as handsome, but I’m so much more than that.
4. Do these jeans make me look fat?
5. I wouldn’t date her, she’s too young for me.
6. I like a woman with a voluptuous vocabulary.
7. I have to take a piss. You wanna come?
8. Playoff tickets? I’ll have to ask my wife.
9. I need a bubble bath and me-time to spark the mood.
10. That bathroom was disgusting.
11. I don’t like my pork pulled.
12. Maybe you just need a good cry.
13. Life isn’t perfect, but my outfit is.
14. Excuse me, could I get some directions?
15. I don’t eat red meat. I’ll have the salad.
16. You can never have too many pairs of shoes.
17. Is he prettier than me?
18. I need to be pre-heated first, you can’t just shove it in the oven.
19. Ok, it’s been 10 years now. I’m starting to think I’m not just bloated.
20. Binge watch The Bachelor? Yes, please!
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