The Liabilities of Being a Lefty

For thousands of years, left-handers were branded with a scarlet letter L. Deemed weak, luciferian, and mercilessly persecuted, while the almighty right-handers ruled the roost. By the 1960’s, corporal punishment was flogging its way out of public schools, no longer forcing lefties to write right.

Hey you! Get out of the gene pool! In our family of nine, only three of us are in our right mind. Considering 90% of the population are righties, it’s clear the spunky swimmers of our forefathers were trying to drown us out. The genetic lottery is a random luck of the fucking draw.

Trials and Tribulations:

🖐️ I’m sure I’d be a scratch golfer had that driver been placed in my dominant hand.

🖐️ The absolute privilege of paying more for sporting equipment and musical instruments.

🖐️ Can openers can suck my dick!

🖐️ Nothing spruces up the cuff of a white blouse like dragging it though fresh ballpoint ink.

🖐️ You’ll never understand the skillset of cutting a straight line with upside down scissors.

🖐️ A hefty dry cleaning bill from rubbing elbows at the dinner table with fellow red wine drinkers.

🖐️ After all these years, I still fight the urge to extend my southpaw for a handshake.

🖐️ I’d give my right hand to be ambidextrous.

🖐️ My kingdom for a left-sided car console and cup holder.

🖐️ Katy Perry’s choreography challenged left shark was doin’ it right.

My fellow lefties, feel free to lament!

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