Things You’re Technically Allowed To Do, But, Should You…?

✴ Polish off the shrapnel inside your bra after binging a family size bag of chips.

✴ Inform your wife she sounds like her mother.

✴ Park your sparkly new Volvo at a jaunty angle.

✴ Ingest highly fragrant food on any form of public transportation.

✴ Loudly share personal problems with your stylist in a busy salon.

✴ Wear a bouncy top knot bun to a movie theatre, church, concert…

✴ Leave several buttons undone to bare aging udders or abundant chest hair.

✴ Hover over the charcuterie board without a splatter guard (talking to you hubs).

✴ Mysteriously forget how to count golf swings (I never lose when I keep score).

✴ Take your grocery cart brimming with obscure produce items through self check out.

✴ Create employment opportunities by abandoning your shopping cart in the lot.

✴ Recline in a big ol’ jet airliner. Righteous flex or privileged prick?

✴ Speak into your invisible ear bud cell phone thingy in public.

✴ Cut your toenails anywhere other than in a dark, isolated cave.

✴ Ask if the carpet matches the drapes.

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