When I Win The Lottery
When I win the lottery, and I’m talkin’ a big fat sum I’ll collect it in my Lambo, Gucci label on my bum No need for the annuity, print my…
12 Things Wine Lovers “Don’t” Say
1. It’s not a party until the Mateus starts flowing. 2. I prefer my Chardonnay at room temperature. 3. Do you have anything smaller than a 5 oz. glass? 4.…
We Wish You A Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear!
Shakespeare said a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. 2021 (2020’s ugly step-sister) looked like a dandelion and smelled like weed. As we bid adieu to yet…
Risky Business
When we were young, safety standards were a fuck of a lot lower than the heightened protocols of today. In lieu of a seat belt, Mom would slingshot her arm…
I DREAM OF SLEEP
I’m writing this in the middle of the night. More specifically, between 3:30 - 6:30 a.m., when I’m consistently wide the fuck awake! Flopping back and forth fires up my…
Will We Ever Get Back To F**king Normal?
Almost a full year into fattening the curve, it’s getting tougher to envision an end. My social life hasn’t been this bleak since my wallflower days at the junior high…
What If Prudence Programmed Our Playlists?
Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me… We’re card carrying members of the Eminem fan club, something the real Slim Shady couldn't foresee. His demographic is all…
Ten Weird-Ass Truths About 2020
2020 came in like a wrecking ball, stripping away life as we know it. But if you look at this wretched year through rosé coloured goggles, you’ll find more silver…
National No Bra Day…And Other Stories
As the sun sets on the most insignificant May long in history, the endless downtime softly strums you ain’t nothin' but a groundhog. Normally the shotgun start to summer shenanigans,…
