Partners In Grime
By virtue of our vag, women are born into a life of servitude. Clean the latrine Cinderella. Febreze ‘til you wheeze Cinderella. This suzy homemaker is officially lowering the bar.…
A Small Mark Christmas Movie
Tiffany enters the scene clutching her pearls and a pumpkin spice latte. A merger and acquisition executive in the big city of Ballsack, Tiffany’s been tasked with ensuring the smooth…
If Men Had A Uterus
1. Going forward, Aunt Flo's visits will be man-dated to 3-5 business days, open on weekends. 2. Masculine hygiene commercials would depict a hockey slash/gash crime scene with blood flowing…
I Put The “Pro” In Procrastinate
I’ve been meaning to write this blog on procrastination, but it took months to get down on paper. I dilly dally on the daily, leaving the big fish floundering on…
When I Win The Lottery
When I win the lottery, and I’m talkin’ a big fat sum I’ll collect it in my Lambo, Gucci label on my bum No need for the annuity, print my…
12 Things Wine Lovers “Don’t” Say
1. It’s not a party until the Mateus starts flowing. 2. I prefer my Chardonnay at room temperature. 3. Do you have anything smaller than a 5 oz. glass? 4.…
We Wish You A Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear!
Shakespeare said a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. 2021 (2020’s ugly step-sister) looked like a dandelion and smelled like weed. As we bid adieu to yet…
Risky Business
When we were young, safety standards were a fuck of a lot lower than the heightened protocols of today. In lieu of a seat belt, Mom would slingshot her arm…
I DREAM OF SLEEP
I’m writing this in the middle of the night. More specifically, between 3:30 - 6:30 a.m., when I’m consistently wide the fuck awake! Flopping back and forth fires up my…
