Risky Business

When we were young, safety standards were a fuck of a lot lower than the heightened protocols of today. In lieu of a seat belt, Mom would slingshot her arm across our tiny toddler torsos. The good ol’ days when babies rode shotgun. It’s a miracle we all survived.

While those were simpler times, it’s remarkable how risk adverse today’s society has become. No one discussed immunizations or the booster scars on our arms. You can always count on Pfizer to make the world a little harder.

To show how resilient humans are, let’s take a stroll down memory lane for risks that seemed normal at the time.

1. Clackers that could splinter your new permanent front teeth.

2. Baby walkers that cornered at 30 mph, and didn’t brake for stairs.

3. Hot-boxing second hand smoke while confined in a station wagon or airplane.

4. Tanning our hides with baby oil at high noon. Tinfoil reflective for the melanoma win!

5. BB guns.

6. Tetanus shots from rusty metal playgrounds.

7. Mercurochrome (with real mercury) on cuts. Skinned knees stung like a festering, bubbling bitch.

8. Kool Aid for a watermelon sugar high.

9. Bush parties. What could go wrong with a raging bonfire, a parched prairie, and lit up kids?

10. Once after getting stopped by the police (after said bush party), the officer shone his flashlight on our carload of teens, asked who was the most sober, ordered us to change drivers, and told us to head straight home.

11. Hot knifing on the burner.

12. Hitchhiking.

13. Moms who smoked in the nursery…without a filter.

14. Skateboarding without a helmet.

15. Lead based lipsticks ✢ lead paint on cribs.

16. Chemicals in Tony perms.

17. Hair spray that popped a hole in the ozone layer.

18. Under the circumstances, I’m doing Asbestos I can.

We could go a day without wine, but why risk it. You follow?

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  1. Janet

    I can relate to pretty much the entire list! How am I even here? lol

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