I Need A Job








Jobs I would not be good at

Hooker – It would suck.

Taxi Driver – If I wanted to pick up strangers in the night, I would’ve been a hooker.

Gynecologist – “Hello…hello..hello..hello…”

Psychologist – Zero chance of having Analysis Paralysis because, most times, I’m not really listening.

Police Officer – “No, you go check it out. I’ll back you up”.

Accountant – Dear Algebra: Stop asking us to find your X. She’s not coming back. We don’t know Y.

Pharmacist – One for you, two for me.

Military – Unless I was In The Navy with some Macho Macho Men.

Air Traffic Controller – “Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.”

Naval Architect – Bellybuttons creep me out.

Taxidermist – The only time I stuff a dead animal is for a holiday meal.

Chef – If only I could plate it, faster than I eat it.

Professional Athlete – I can’t train for anything year-round, unless Sangria Swilling is a sport.









Jobs I would be great at

Sangria Swiller – Seriously, somebody pay me for this.

NASCAR Driver – I find myself drafting with other cars on the way to get groceries.

Phone Sex Operator – Then I could just phone it in.

Illustrator – I play a mean game of Pictionary.

Event Planner – From gala’s to weenie roasts, keggers to preggers, we’ve planned ‘em all.

Chocolatier – Perfect job for a chocoholic.

Interior Designer – Budget, smudget.

Yoga Instructor – There can only be one, Jodi Wan Kenobi. Namaste.

Cruise Ship Director – Julie’s got nothin’ on Me.

First Lady – Unfortunately, you could play checkers with my past.

Greeting Card Creator – Sarcasm folded and delivered in an envelope.







Dream Job

Professional Blogger – As in, a blogger who gets paid.

Podcaster – The Hoda and Kathie Lee wine imbibers of the Web.

Paradise Island Caretaker – I shit you not. This real position payed $110,00 for a 6-month contract.

Pro Golfer – I drain my best shots at the nineteenth hole.

Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Billy Joel ✿ Piano Man
Loverboy ✤ Working For The Weekend
Chris de Burgh ✸ Patricia The Stripper

Check out this week’s Sister Shout Out ~ Christine Hadden Lamb

Join the discussion

  1. Ken Maclean

    I have nothing witty to comment but I really liked it. Viral I say, viral!!!!

  2. dawn

    Love the lines for every profession. ;p

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