I Need A Job

Jobs I would be terrible at

Hooker ✶ It would suck.

Cab Driver ✶ If I wanted to pick up strangers in the night…see, hooker.

Pharmacist ✶ One for you, two for me.

Gynecologist ✶ “Hello…hello..helloecho…”

Military ✶ Unless I was In The Navy with some Macho Macho Men.

Taxidermist ✶ I used to stuff dead animals but I gave it up cold turkey.

Air Traffic Controller ✶ Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Accountant ✶ Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X. She’s not coming back. We don’t know Y.

Jobs I would be great at

Phone Sex Operator ✶ Then I could just phone it in.

Pro Golfer ✶ I drain my best shots on the nineteenth hole.

Cruise Ship Director ✶ Julie would be jealous.

Illustrator ✶ I’m headed back to the drawing board.

NASCAR Driver ✶ I draft with cars on the way for groceries.

First Lady ✶ Does it matter you can play checkers with my past?

Greeting Card Creator ✶ Sarcasm folded and delivered in an envelope.

Sangria Swiller ✶ Seriously, will somebody pay me for this!

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