If You’re Cranky And You Know It, Stomp Your Feet

It’s fascinating to watch men soften as they age. We’re not talking wood here, we’re talking teddy bear temperament. And here I sit, all crotchety and cantankerous. PMS rage has snowballed into menopause madness, (aka asshole-berger’s syndrome) and that has me worried. Am I destined to become the grumpy old man of the family? I’ve certainly got the beard for it!

Why so irritated you ask? It’s mostly random. Sketchy internet connections, vacuum-sealed packaging that takes a blowtorch to open, alpha-male pickup drivers who tailgate for only going 20k over the speed limit. The list goes on and on. It’s called hormones because mad-cow was already taken.


If I tell the hubs “don’t worry about it,” he’d better fucking worry. Passive-aggressive personalities swaddle their anger in sarcasm and warm fuzzy blankets. Confrontation isn’t my style. I teeter-totter between snapdragon and eerily silent. The secret recipe to my stew is boil instantly, then simmer for hours.

So, when someone really gets your goat, how do you get it baaa-ck?

✷ Take a deep breath and count to 10…then kill them immediately.

✷ Abide by the 24-hour rule. Write it, sleep on it, EDIT IT, send it.

✷ Don’t bottle up your emotions. Drown them in cheap wine.

✷ Talk to the hand. If you have any questions, consult my middle finger.

✷ Restrain from engaging in flammable social media discussions. No, that comment wasn’t about you, but if the shoe fits, lace the bitch up and wear it.

✷ Don’t get baited into political or religious conversations. They only voice they want to hear is their own.

✷ Stay mindful that red is the colour of anger, but it’s also the colour of love!


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  1. Terri

    Great job ladies! Hillhairyass!

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