Entertainment

What If Prudence Programmed Our Playlists?

Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me…

We’re card carrying members of the Eminem fan club, something the real Slim Shady couldn’t foresee. His demographic is all inclusive, ranging from sexy minx to sabre tooth tigers from the stoned age. My daughter cringes at the double standard when I bump n’ grind to Shake That. The raunchy lyrics and my questionable rhythm scream, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

We’ve come a long way since the Footloose puritans tried to ban Chuck Berry’s My Ding-a-Ling for phallic innuendos. I wonder what they’d think about the pure poetry of Cardi B’s WAP? This got us thinking, how many songs would be deleted from our playlists if dear Prudence was in charge?

1. Meatloaf ✴ Paradise by the Dashboard Light

Reminds us of the one, okay, maybe two (dozen) times we should’ve thrown out the playa before he advanced to second base.

2. Justin Timberlake ✴ I’m Bringing Sexy Back

Prudence says you can’t bring sexy back without a receipt.

3. Valerie Val-era Valerie Val-era-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha

To the sweet Caroline’s, ROXanne’s, and Brandy’s (you’re a fine girl) who endure lifelong name association and sub-par serenades. If poor Rhonda hears “help me” one more time, she’s gonna lose her shit.

4. Nirvana ✴ Smells Like Teen Spirit

Because we love to sing along and nobody has a fucking clue what the lyrics are – a mutter, some clutter, peanut butter ….hey…

5. It’s a Small World

It sure is now and who wants to be reminded? Ain’t nobody going to Disneyland. And good luck getting this loop out your head in the midnight hour.

6. Toni Basil ✴ Mickey

Aaaaaagggghhhhh!!!

7. The Chicks ✴ Goodbye Earl

It’s dangerous having DIY on the DL to facilitate your spouse’s disappearance. Ain’t it dark wrapped up in that tarp, Earl.

8. Jimmy Buffet ✴ Cheeseburger in Paradise

Subliminally seduces us to ditch our diet and join the dark side. The good news is a juicy cheeseburger is just a click away. The bad news is a juicy cheeseburger is just a click away.

9. Red Red WineGin and Juice One Bourbon, One Scotch One Beer

My nightly quarantine quota.

10. Dire Straits ✴ Money For Nothing

Convinced me I could get paid for sitting around doing nuthin’…AND get my chips for free.

11. Bryan Adams ✴ Summer of 69

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has skyrocketed.

12. Alabama ✴ Dixieland Delight

The finale of this fast country song is anything but a two-stepper’s delight – even triathletes have trouble keeping up – and in boots with heels? Fugetaboutit!

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  1. Jodi

    Great tunes. Thank you.

  2. Kevin carignan

    You gals cracked me up. Keep up the good work.

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