Are you shocked how the snail’s [s]pace-time continuum suddenly picked up speed – launching us straight into MOTHER’S DAY? With no living humans or handbooks to guide us through post-pandemic parties, we offer sangria style tips for family festivities and sisterhood soirées.
Scout out the perfect location:
A sheltered south facing driveway, backyard, or empty garage is best. Somewhere to trap the heat, because according to my nipples, spring is slacking off.
Design the perfect environment:
Don’t be sad that your garbage goes out more than you. Find a place to bury wine bottles the Scouts no longer collect. Build a sparkly “scare-squirrel” as those fuzzy little creatures took over when humans receded.
Choose your guest list:
Measure your space and divide by 2 meters. You will likely be able to invite 1 ½ guests. Maybe 2, if they’re skinny (unlikely at this point).
Generate a cute theme:
Armageddon, apocalypse, the germinator. Homemade decorations are so trendy right now.
Consider asking guests to bring ALL their own things to help out:
After all, you have to get dressed and comb your hair on party day which will be taxing. You’ll want to be a radiant host (from joy not fever).
Guests may enjoy bringing their own: chair, lap blanket, ice, beverage, glass, food, plate, napkins, utensils, sani-wipes, porta-potty and toilet paper.
Create a rockin’ playlist. May we suggest:
• Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees
• All by Myself – Celine Dion
• U can’t touch this – MC Hammer
• Dancing with myself – Billy Idol
• Here I Go Again (on my own) – Whitesnake
• Don’t Stand so Close to me – The Police
• Waiting on the World to Change – John Mayer
• It’s the End of the World as we know it – REM
• Keep your Hands to Yourself – Georgia Satellites
• Social Disease – Elton John
• Lonely People – America
• In my Room – Beach Boys
While we may not be able to hug our loved ones this year, one thing remains eternal. You’re never too old to need your Mom!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! 💕
JOIN THE SISTERHOOD!
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