What I Did On My Summer Vaycay!

Dear bitches:

I’m baaack! After a dark and stormy year, a little R&R was just what my oracle ordered.

I hope your summer was as fanfuckintastic as mine, but it’s hard to keep up with my flawless family. Sure, there’s been a few hiccups, but nothing I can’t hide behind my white picket fence.

The temps at our lakeside estate have been hot as H-E-double hockey sticks. So says the green thumb in charge of watering my lady garden. This heat has left the ‘ol clamshell dry as my sense of humour.

Seems like I stepped in poison oak on one of my long reflective walks. The things I do for this bangin’ bod. Any hoo-hoo, it’s turned into a nasty rash on my mossy cave of wonders.

Did I mention my hubby’s been travelling a ton? That hunk of Grade A beef puts the STD in stud.

The lake air has cranked up my horn-o-meter. An innocent quip to the lifeguard, like “You’re not the only one who knows how to blow (pause) …a whistle” got me banned from the country club pool.

Little Johnny is growing like a weed, which coincidentally is what I found under his mattress. I’m normally into ludes, but his stuff was dope. With all the family drama, I blazed that fatty up.

Our darling daughter Bobbi-Jo recently informed us she identifies more as Robert or Joe. What a jokester, she’s a hoot! Every kid goes through this phase, amiright?

Mother has been both a help and a hindrance. When our precious cats escaped, she coaxed all three back to the guest house. Trouble is, we only have two cats. The third one was a raccoon.

I loved having the summer off, although I missed the attention. But everything works better if you unplug it for a few minutes, including me!

Love your friend,
Mitzy Cornish-Hennington III

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