Entertainment

The Best Parts of Summer Our Kids Will Never Know

1. Punch drunk

The sugar buzz from gallons of purple Kool-Aid led to:

a) a dental plan sponsored by sucrose
b) a ‘stache stain that reappeared in my 50’s
c) our undying love of the grape🍷

2. Drive-in movies: The original big screen experience

Jammie-clad kids camped on the hood of Dad’s car, high on root beer and Popeye cigarettes. Five rows back, horny teens fondled awkwardly in the back seat of Dad’s borrowed car, turning G-rated flicks into R-rated memories.

3. Playground of doom

From scorching hot sheet metal slides to tetanus shot teeter-totters, hazardous playgrounds were risky business. The merry-go-round separated the strong from the shatterable.

4. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

We were never two-tired to go for a spin. Flower power banana seats put the fun between your legs. Nowadays, my tu-lips wilt for a week after beginner spin class.

5. We drank out of a hose and lived to tell

At full blast, a garden hose was the original waterpik—a high-speed way to excavate popcorn kernels from your teeth.

6. Seatbelt? Never heard of her

We ricocheted around the backseat like billiard balls. It wasn’t a road trip unless someone got a mild concussion from high-speed breaking.

7. Sunscreen was a suggestion

Searing ourselves with baby oil and tinfoil reflectors ensured a bronze corinthian leather tan. If your skin didn’t strip like a porn star by August, were you even living?

8. Saturday mornings were sacred

Cartoons only aired once a week. If you missed that wascally wabbit, you had to be vewwy, vewwy quiet for seven more days.

9. There’s “P” in my “OOL”

Green hair, don’t care! As competitive swimmers, we lived at the outdoor pool. A combination of Sun-In and chlorine made our locks stiffen like a teenage boy’s hankie.

Three cheers to a lifetime of summer memories!

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Join the discussion

  1. Ken MacLean

    Summer solstice always makes me think of the endless summers as the last days of school neared. Boredom was a real thing and I miss it!

  2. Bonnie

    Oh the good old days! Summer seemed to last forever and now it’s over in the blink of an eye. ❤️

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