Fourteen months ago, the sisterhood abruptly shifted from broadcasting in front of a live studio audience to a one woman sound booth. Insert an endless commercial break here. In the past 9,672 hours of confinement, our social circles reformatted into Brady Bunch squares.
Without my tribe, the lion’s share of conversation is relegated to my significant other. I’m a colour commentator who embellishes every play, when all he wants is the highlight reel. His eyes glaze over, scanning the room for the nearest fire escape, and I think WAIT (Why Am I Talking). All because we traded female sounding boards for male listeners who are bored.
Surprisingly, experts say that 93% of communication occurs through body language and tone, while only 7% is spoken word. Which makes me realize I’m working harder, not smarter. I should be using hand gestures and a shimmy shimmy hair toss to be heard.
We’ve never had more time to talk, binge eat, and imbibe. The question is, will we come out of this bizarre time with an enhanced gift of gab or newly single? Here’s a few communication cherries that floated to the top of the Sangria pitcher.
1. Paraphrasing is a noteworthy skill. This involves summarizing your understanding of your partner’s message. “So, it makes you feel sad to be wrong all the time?”
2. Never use generalizations. They are always bad.
3. Crossed arms signify you’re closed for business. Unless, you have no tits and are trying to push cleavage up your V-neck.
4. If you’re not shouting at each other from different rooms, are you even married?
5. If you’re hacking away at an acorn squash or tenderizing meat with a cleaver, are you trying to make dinner, or a point?
6. If you can’t find him easily in the house, he’s seeking asylum. Now may not be the time to show him TikTok videos of the dancing monkey.
7. “Fine,” “Nevermind,” and “Whatever,” are a guaranteed one way trip to Passive-Aggressive-Ville. A far cry from Margaritaville, where you really wanted to go.
8. Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important…and it’s always in your size.
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