Ten Weird-Ass Truths About 2020

2020 came in like a wrecking ball, stripping away life as we know it. But if you look at this wretched year through rosé coloured goggles, you’ll find more silver linings than you can count!

1. All In The Family

Unless you’re Amish, you’ve likely never spent this amount of time cooped up together. The good news was our kids, now young adults, returned back to the nest. The bad news was our kids returned back to the nest.

The youngins descended home like rioters at the Capitol. Much like a few chamber guards, we welcomed them with open doors. Quarantine was a gift, a once in a lifetime chance to reconnect…smack dab inside the twilight zone.

Cohabitating with chicks once they’ve flown the coop clips wings on both sides. When my acts-of-service love language wore thin, I thought flock this. If this cafeteria/cleaning lady doesn’t go on strike soon, these space invaders will never leave!

2. Joy of Baking

When was the last time a woman ran around begging for more yeast? So 2020.

3. Humanity Divided

Like a covid cappuccino, the cream of compassion rose to the top. Community spirit such as saucepan symphonies, shop local, save hospitality, and the Good News Movement banded us together. On the flip side, humanity took a beating by the Judge Judy’s and Karen’s who touted their Turrets in public. (Apologies to our homegirls Karen and Judy).

4. Shit Show Down Below

In 2020, the United States (hold the united) had its own iron curtain moment. When the drapes dropped, it revealed a country dismally divided by race, politics, and class. The big orange Oz was tweeting ‘voter fraud’ in Kansas, whilst grabbing Dorothy’s pussy. Exposing that he too is missing a heart, a brain, and a clue.

5. Standing in Line

We always used to grease the bouncers at nightclubs. Now I do the same to the Greeter at Walmart.

6. Last Action Hero

I have a longstanding beef with overpaid athletes and actors. The salary discrepancy between Wonder Woman and a nurse is a Marvel. The real stars wielding a golden lasso are teachers, care givers, nurses, doctors, first responders, grocery store, supply chain, sanitation, liquor store and cannabis workers. These capeless heroes deserve a signing bonus.

7. Dog Bonanza

The most precious part of 2020 was PUPPIES! Everyone and their dog got a dog. With time to train and kids to entertain, families were bitten by the canine craze. Unlike your spouse, these bitches provide unconditional love and sloppy kisses.

8. Plugged In

How’s a girl to binge watch a season of soft porn (Bridgerton) when the family is sucking her bandwidth? Just when I thought my screen time couldn’t possibly surge, along came Zoom marathon parties and online games, Brady Bunch style. No DD or pants required.

9. Downtime

In a world that moves too fast, the halt to the grind was a welcome respite. With a wide open ICal, creatives emerged out the ashes; a lesson in resilience. Now, I have to come up with new excuses for shit I’ve been putting off for years.

10. Outdoor Action

This summer, I learned there wasn’t an actual pickle in in pickleball. After months in a streaming deep dive, the great outdoors was a breath of fresh air. We hit the ground running so hard that bikes, skates, skis, golf, camping, and hiking gear were impossible to find.

Welcome 2021, we are cautiously optimistic you made it here at all!

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Join the discussion

  1. Kendra Koss

    As always, brilliantly captured with unending wit!

  2. Bonnie

    Love this! You can always find a positive spin!

  3. Catherine

    Thanks for reminding us of all the positives of 2020 as we are always inundated with the negatives. Your humorous take on the year is a breath of fresh air!

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