This isn’t another new year, new me post…but it kinda is. Every January, I resolve to sober up, tighten the purse strings, and lose the gunt. But by week three, I’m drinking winter away while adding chunky KitKats to my Amazon cart. Why should this year be any different than before?
A pileup of faulty decisions has forced this vintage body into the garage for an overhaul. Kidney stones and a thyroid mass have been flashing red warning lights across my dashboard for years. However, diverticulitis was the fender bender that finally got my attention.
You’re only given one soul-vehicle to last a lifetime. It would be unwise to Thelma and Louise it off the edge of a canyon so soon. I’ve got a laundry list of lifestyle changes and tactical maintenance to attain peak performance. This classic chassis deserves to be driven.
My mission is to crush functional fitness so I can continue to do the things I enjoy:
1. Carrying all the groceries in one trip.
2. Wrist strength to twist off screw caps.
3. Doing the limbo at the tail end of a wine tasting tour.
4. Crawling up on a countertop to retrieve the punch bowl.
5. Stepping in and out of a kayak, gracefully.
6. Endurance to sprint from one airport terminal to another.
7. Copping a squat to pee in the bush.
8. Scaling stadium stairs up to the nosebleed section.
9. Wrestling on the floor with your grandkids and pets.
10. Rising up from low-slung festival chairs at an outdoor event.
11. Maintain leg strength so never to be stranded on a toilet!
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