2017 will be remembered as a year that tested our optimism. Yes, the world is spinning out of control, but if you look back in history, it’s always been a little whack.
Social media and 24/7 broadcasts seem bent on bringing us down. As grape therapists, we prescribe more unplugged moments, more face to face than Facebook, and more puppy pics. Surround yourself with tacos, not negativity.
And now, on with our show:
A steady stream of celebrity heavyweights got axed (bobbitt style) by a gang of gutsy gals.
Hashtags like #metoo and #notokay fuel a quiet riot of twisted sisters…and we’re not gonna take it anymore.
So, to all you restroom Romeo’s: 1) don’t tell penis jokes, they come across as cocky, 2) keep your junk in your jeans or we’ll cut it off. Timber mothafucka!
Then there’s the doofus who finds dissing a demented dictator chub-worthy. ‘Hey rocket man, up and atom’ seems so unpresidential. How about no nukes…put up your dukes, and settle it mano-a-mano.
We can only hope Kim Jong-un never mentions how Hillary won the popular vote.
Canadian sex toy company We-Vibe got caught with their hand in the honey pot. Collecting personal data through a vibrator app broke the long, strong, stiff arm of the law, and they were spanked with a $4 million fine.
Talk about undercover surveillance. #buzznightgear
Ivory now and then you spy pink elephants…without wine goggles. To keep elephants warm during freezing temperatures, villagers in India knitted sweaters for 20 jumbo dumbo’s.
The elephants, rescued after years of abuse, now strut their stuff down runways in Milan and Mumbai.
Collusion, hacking, influencing an election…2017 exposed the budding bromance between two bullies. They deny it, we say Crimea river.
To set things back another 100 years, Russia decriminalized minor forms of domestic violence. Putin out the word that women deserve equal rights… and lefts.
After three long years, Boko Haram freed 82 of 200 captured Nigerian schoolgirls in exchange for detained prisoners. A gentle reminder that skinny people are easier to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.
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