Polish off the shrapnel inside your bra after binging a family size bag of chips.
Inform your wife she sounds like her mother.
Park your sparkly new Volvo at a jaunty angle.
Ingest highly fragrant food on any form of public transportation.
Loudly share personal problems with your stylist in a busy salon.
Wear a bouncy top knot bun to a movie theatre, church, concert…
Leave several buttons undone to bare aging udders or abundant chest hair.
Hover over the charcuterie board without a splatter guard (talking to you hubs).
Mysteriously forget how to count golf swings (I never lose when I keep score).
Take your grocery cart brimming with obscure produce items through self check out.
Create employment opportunities by abandoning your shopping cart in the lot.
Recline in a big ol’ jet airliner. Righteous flex or privileged prick?
Speak into your invisible ear bud cell phone thingy in public.
Cut your toenails anywhere other than in a dark, isolated cave.
Ask if the carpet matches the drapes.
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