Fatherless Day

We’ve grinned and beared the last four Father’s Days (down a father), but this is a first for Abby. The painful year of firsts a daddy’s girl weathers after losing your guiding light.

Scott has been gone almost eight months now, yet we crushed most of the firsts in the two months after his death.

Our anniversary dropped anchor 11 days after he passed. Abby’s 20th was two weeks later. Christmas, New Years, and my birthday were swallowed in the next month.

We’ve discovered it’s not only the milestones to watch for. It’s the little things you don’t see coming that leave you gobsmacked.

We quietly celebrated Abby’s school accomplishments, all A’s and one B+ this semester. The exasperating process of tax season. Summer holidays at the condo on our own.

I deliberately haven’t touched a lawn mower since I was 17. When it was time to get my hands dirty, my wise neighbors taught me how to fish rather than feed me.

I’m not alone. Friends, family, and neighbours help out on the daily. But there’s a sense of accomplishment and empowerment that happens when I tackle something on my own.

I stand a little taller. My vagina won’t stop me from having the balls to learn new things. Strong women wear pain like high heels. It hurts like hell, but all you see is beauty.

Understanding heartache is expressed so well in this Ted talk by Nora McInerny. We don’t move on from grief, we move forward with it.

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