Christmas Parenting Young Children vs. Parenting Young Adults

Then: Don your wee daughter in a short party dress. Force her to strike a pose on the lap of an old man that smells like cigga-weed and feet.

Now: Lovingly wrap a selection of turtlenecks and baggy sweatpants to place under the tree for your daughter to wear out clubbing.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Take the kids tobogganing.

Now: Take out a second mortgage and take the kids heli-skiing.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Use your landline to “call Santa” to report your child’s deviant behaviour.

Now: Swipe through landmines of your child’s deviant behaviour on Instagram.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Sprinkle the littles with fairy dust to entice sleep on Christmas Eve. Build a new vocabulary of curse words assembling doll houses and race tracks.

Now: Open another bottle of wine hoping to entice the bigs to stay up with you a little longer.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Carrots on the roof, ash footprints on the hearth, half eaten cookies on the plate. The bold face lies and elaborate ruses used to perpetuate the magic of Santa.

Now: Lock up the cookies, hide the booze, or the kids will scarf them down before Santa.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Rally against corporate greed and commercialism. Model the spirit of Christmas through generous acts, and hand painting your own wrapping paper.

Now: Pray they get a post degree job with any corporation, ethical or not, as long as it successfully launches them into their own home.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Take the M out of Merry and put it in Martyr. Spend all day creating a 17 dish turkey dinner just like your mother did.

Now: Buy tofu for your vegan child, shrimp and steak for the rest. Put your feet up and enjoy a cocktail.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: The kids wake you at 4:30 am Christmas morning because THEY can’t wait.

Now: Wake your kids at 11:00 am because YOU can’t wait.

🎄🎄🎄

Then: Cherish the look on your child’s face when THEY open the toy they really, really wanted.

Now: Cherish the look on your child’s face when YOU open the gift they bought you, by budgeting with a few less beers over the month.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all you fabulous HO HO HO’s!