Creeped out by Halloween, Covid, and election night,
A need for comfort and joy was healed by yuletide light,
My resting grinch face scowled, let’s just Netflix in bed,
But 2020 trends beckon us to deck the halls instead.
Jingle Balls and Tinsel Tits are whore’ding boughs of holly,
Stashing DIY supplies, and stealing our fucking jolly,
Trim a tree with Toilet P and let the good times roll,
Santa knows the party poopers, and who’s a tight a-hole.
Christmas parties in limbo, what’s a poor girl to do,
Slide into comfy slippers, boot the stiletto shoe,
Bedazzle your fuzzy bathrobe, ditch the ugly sweater,
Unwashed hair and a messy bun pull an outfit together.
But wait, there’s even myrrh, calls out the second wave,
It’s a marathon not a sprint, warn your crave to behave,
With covid numbers spiking, Baileys and Eggnog are a-flow,
Slow your roll or you’ll be rockin’ the Santa belly dough
No need to martyr out this year, the bar is on the floor,
Indoor gatherings so limited, nothing is a chore,
Cherish your family bubble and pour yo’elf a beer,
Cheers to the most wine-derful time of this god-forsaken year!
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