Do I have to pay extra for my emotional baggage?
I regularly get felt-up and patted-down at airport security. No dinner or drinks, just a nod and a grunt. Makes me feel closer to home.
Back in the day, travelling was fun. Now it’s good from afar, but far from good. Dress to impress has been replaced by “I’ve given-up-on-life” pajama pants.
A first class iron curtain separated the cattle from the herd, leaving coach udderly joyless. If your muffin tasted funny, it’s because it was chicken.
Ladies of the 80’s were social smokers. With only one row separating the fog from the smog, our minty-fresh menthol wafted through the plane. A combination of Bic lighters, oxygen masks, and cabin pressure added to my fear.
Travel prep is costly and extensive. A pedicure removes leftover paint chips from last fall. The esthetician has her hands full waxing my sasquatch. There’s a new outfit before the ladies shopping trip, and an urgency to clean the house.
I nervously wait to get scanned and swabbed, even though I’m 85% sure I’m clean. Removing my shoes makes me itch for cootie booties. It’s a shit show reshuffling my shoes, belt, jewelry, and liquids before the next bin comes barreling down.
Anxiety levels jump sky high on travel days. I check my passport a dozen times before leaving the house, and a dozen more en route. I had my mug shot…, uh, passport photo taken after hot yoga. I look more dangerous than a terrorist.
My goal is to travel to as many places as my luggage. Or take a six month vacation, twice a year. Vacation migration is a hassle, but I’m more afraid NOT to fly. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
Sangria Wine Rack
parka, coat, rainwear
top, shirt, blouse, tank top
sweats, lounging outfit
bra, sports bra
bathing suit, cover-up
tote purse, small cross body bag
knit hat, mitts, gloves
dress shoes, walking shoes
sandals, flip flops
toothbrush, paste, floss
headband, elastics, clips, bobby pins
plastic ziplock bags
tweezers, nail clippers
cell phone, charger
computer, iPad, chargers
book, magazine, e-reader
driver’s license, health care insurance
ATM card, cash
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