When It Rains It F✶✶king Pours

What happens to your body when life tries to eat you alive, one chunk at a time? When your inner stress regulator (aka, the nervous system) is set to high alert, how do you bring peace to the pieces that need self-soothing?

✦ Say your son gets in an car accident. He’s shaken, but dent-free. I can’t say the same for the car.

✦ My porcelain mother-in-law fell and cracked her eggshell. Humpty’s progressing favourably in rehab therapy.

✦ My husband’s newly adopted sebaceous cyst, vast enough to have its own area code, became infected. A late night trip to the ER was a cautionary tale. If left untreated… cue foreboding music here.

✦ Our washer and dryer went kaput. The shiny new controls are an app-based ordeal, forcing me to call tech support. Hello, how may I frustrate you today?

✦ The laundry taps leaked, but the polar vortex prompted plumbers to see their shadow, so it’ll be six more weeks until we see one.

✦ The rooftop dryer vent is blocked, so no service calls. Because snow + clay shingles = insurance case #35712.

✦ The belly of our seven-year-old hot water tank bangs out heavy metal music, consequently, an eviction notice has been served.

✦ New progressive glasses (cha-ching) and dental work (double cha-ching).

At this point, ALL my systems are nervous! I pull a muscle in my left love handle, rendering it sore to sleep on my favourite side. The connective tissue in my neck, shoulders, and ass seize up in solidarity. My brain is alert from 3-6 am, and mush the rest of the day.

Misfortunes never come alone. You can wallow in self-pity, shovel ice cream, and cry out “Why me, Lord?” Bawling like a baby over Joni Mitchell’s grammy performance of Both Sides Now is A-OK.

Then you have a choice to make on how to go forward.

✦ Repeat “You are strong – You are healthy” so often your brain actually listens.
✦ Grilled cheese and tomato soup
✦ Seek solace from trusted friends
✦ Lighten your calendar load
✦ Cut out sugar, stay hydrated
✦ Reframe the negative narrative
✦ Break it down to one thing at a time
✦ Keep going, as this too shall pass! ❤

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