Now that tinseltown awards season are finally over, we can’t help but wonder why A-listers get all the accolades. Praiseworthy parents are entitled to a pat on the back, and not just ‘World’s Okayest Mom.’
To honour moderately good parents, we created the JOKE awards (Joy of Kids Existence). We promise they’ll be as irrelevant and subjective as anything Hollywood can produce.
We’re already all winners, so the JOKE categories are:
1. Best disguise of a parent hangover:
Ages 0-10 🤩 Pedialyte with a shot of sheer endurance
Ages 10-18 🤩 Unlimited TV/gaming = get out of jail free card
2. Best stunt category:
Teaching a teen to drive:
a) Best rendition of a cardiac arrest
b) Best portrayal of cleaning up dirty language and volume control
Caught having sex:
a) Ages 0-8 🤩 “Mommy and Santa were wrestling”
b) Ages 8-18 🤩 Mumbled apology, followed by rapid disengagement and wrinkly bits coverage
3. Best drama:
Surviving Christmas dinner with the in-laws
4. Best director:
Planning a dinner party for 12, while baking 72 cupcakes for Brownies (twit twoo), while schlepping on 3 field trips, while…
5. Best foreign language:
Lol, wtf, idk, ttyl, lmfao, gucci, goat, idgaf
6. Best visual effects:
Eye rolling out loud, middle finger behind closed door, exaggerated sigh
7. Best acting:
Best avoidance of direct eye contact with an adolescent while trying to express empathy
– Menstruating
– Non-menstruating
Best tongue biting, blood swallowing NON-reaction
– In response to body piercing
– In response to tattoos
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