As one of only two girls endowed with airbags in the fifth grade, I was the curiosity of my male classmates. One notably dim-witted boy grabbed the strap of my training bra, slingshotting the clasp into my nubile young flesh. The snap heard ‘round the world stemmed from a white cotton bralette clad with a dainty pink rosebud. Thus began the lifelong trussing journey of my budding bosom.
In my teens, Dici was the “it” bra of the itty bitty titty committee. The coveted strip of flimsy fabric had zero support, and excessive underboob pleating. Its diabolical front closure was an added measure of security against fumbling hormonal hands.
When I was twenty and poor, my everyday bra was cheap and ill fitting. In the pre bra-fitter days, I’d drastically underestimate my measurements, prompting my cup to runneth over. For only getting washed every six months, it sure got put through the wringer.
Every so often an outfit would call for a pushup bra. This required the ol’ titty scoop and drag maneuver which was not conducive for dancing in da club. Before long, expensive date night lingerie was shoved to the back of the drawer, making room for the double flapped nursing bra. This baby was the cadillac of comfort, so who cared about style.
Underwire Woman is my superhero identity. Not even the Fonz could “one-finger (un)snap” a brassiere with 8 eyelets, purchased in pastel pink to offset the industrial vibe. If two individual breasts aren’t your thing, might I suggest a sports bra, the duct tape of foundation garments. Good luck wrestling your uniboob out of that damp straightjacket.
Every woman has a favourite bra in her arsenal. A triple threat of support, comfort, and style. One that holsters your back fat without a binding cobra squeeze, because why should your blood circulation have all the fun. Nevertheless, the best thing about a bra is the sweet relief of taking it off. I’m looking forward to my 80’s when I can do without, by simply tucking my nips into the waistband of my pants!
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Bwahahaha oh Val you were the envy of us all Stay awesome ♥️
The boobs pulled us all beer!