We recently dragged out family albums to remind our adult children what excellent parenting looks like. I was flabbergasted to learn my favourite flashbacks seemed oddly fresh to them.
And, it hit me.
If I’d known then they’d remember so little now, I wouldn’t have Mommed so hard!
Now those days are over, my grunt work is done. Despite the good, bad, and ugly parenting misfires, our kids turned out just fine. Because these old muther’s have been there, done that, it’s only fair to share our nuggets of wisdom, and the shit you can let go.
1. Mom guilt is for the mf’ing birds. The second that fallopian swim team races to the finish line, the guilt gene is conceived. Say five Hail Mary’s, forgive yourself, and move on. Snacks and a hug beat perfection every time.
2. Life isn’t always rosé behind the white picket fence, given a flawless family doesn’t exist. I shepherd mine like a border collie to camouflage our dysfunction. Why keep up with the Joneses when they’re just as screwed up as us?
3. Warning: that non-fussy Mom haircut may grow out, but photographic evidence lasts forever.
4. It not you, it’s them. At a certain age, teenagers do a disappearing act, retreating into their rooms like hormonal hermits. Once you’ve come to terms with the sad truth they’re gone forever, they reappear. Taller, hungrier, wiser. Time in solitary confinement upgrades them to Version 2.0.
5. Self-Care or self-destruct. The trade for more me-time is relinquishing household control. Sure, things won’t get done your way, but if the kids are alive at the end of the day, your mate has done their job.
6. I have a soft spot for my mother-in-law…freshly dug behind the garage (jk). Notoriously tricky to navigate, you want these women on your side. Think about that the next time you’re eyeing a tropical getaway for two.
7. And finally, GOALS! In the process of teaching your kids to be independent, take a few lessons yourself. At the first signs of your teen’s autonomy, dip a toe back into your own life. When the chicks finally fly the coop, you’ll remember who you used to be. Wonderfully free as a bird!
* Original excerpt from the HER VOICE “Motherhood” anthology, published in 2021
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