Once upon a time, there was a Princess named Valerie who was more focused on breaking the glass ceiling than finding a glass slipper. One enchanted evening she met her Prince Charming at the Silver Slipper Saloon, and it was lust at first sight. Four years later she said YES to the dress, but how did she end up with two?
Backstory
At age 33, I happily tied the knot. My relieved parents had waited forever to finally give me away. Weddings be-bitch us with their evil charm. Take a rational, functioning adult, sprinkle liberally with fairy dust, and watch her turn into Bridezilla with a clipboard.
Six months before…
Four bridal shops in, I met “Dress No. 1”. It was love at first sight, but she was dangerously tight…and not at all white. In those days, cream was the new crimson.
Fortunately, the seamstress working at the boutique had a side hustle creating gowns from her home. Who wants off the rack when you can have custom, and thus began a glacially slow song and dance.
The week before…
Panic activated, my DIY seamstress admitted she was in over her head. It was only days before my merger when I received the finished product. I turned a whiter shade of pale when the tulle of the dress had all the charm of skim milk left out overnight.
The week of…
I awoke in the middle of the night, convinced I couldn’t live with it. From the accessories to my skin tone, nothing matched. Suddenly cream was trending again.
Two days before…
Enter Mom and Lori, who walked into the boutique like they were casing a jewelry heist. Lori spotted “Dress No. 1”, snatched it from the rack, and strutted to the till like a character in a rom-com.
The puzzled salesperson asked if she wanted try it on. “Nope,” she replied, “I’m good.”
She proceeded to shell out the cash, down to the penny.
Completely confused, the clerk asked for the bride’s name to add to their records. Unfazed, Lori shot back with an fake alias.
Keep in mind, the seamstress that had hand-sewn “Dress No. 2” worked in the same boutique.
Miraculously, “Dress No. 1” slid on like it had been waiting for me – thank you wedding anxiety diet.
Rehearsal day
All I needed was a new pair of cream shoes. OMFG! Cue Olympic-level mall sprinting.
Meanwhile, my bridegroom was knocking on hell’s door after dancing with a devil named Sambuca the night before.
We made it to the church on time, and as the minister started reading our vows, we both broke down in tears.
Wedding day
It was a glorious fall day with soaring summer heat, which was great for me, not so much for the cake. The poor thing melted like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The chocolate shavings? Let’s just say the resemblance to dog turds was off-putting.
Our videographer was blackout drunk. The finished product was a two-hour arthouse film of wedding guests from the waist down.
Present day
We lost the camera on the flight home from our honeymoon, but the memories remain. As we celebrate thirty years, our story is one for the books.
For the record, two dresses set me back a mere $500. When my niece Abby gets married and needs something borrowed, she’ll have a variety to choose from!
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Well there’s one story I did not know … but somehow I am not surprised 😉
And a beautiful bride you made! I vividly remember dancing to Paradise By The Dashboard Lights and am reminded of you every time I hear it!
I have been waiting to hear that story since Canmore. Thanks for finally letting us in on the two dress story. Love the cream one way better – good choice.
That was a teaser Roxanne! The night in Canmore had taken its toll, so I was having trouble stringing words together.
20 years…now that’s something to celebrate!
Looking forward to the follow up story.
love you both
Happy 20th anniversary to you too Lisa! ’95 was a good year.
that was an entertaining story Val. Someday I’ll have to tell you about my wedding dress from the Co-op lol
I would love to hear it Leasa! I still shop at the Co-op!
Omg. You said it. Abby, go simple !!
You got married in the trendy 80’s. I’d love to see your gown!
You looked so beautiful on your wedding day and Ken so handsome! Such a great day ❤️
You wouldn’t know it if you saw me right now, but we clean up well!
Next, the tale of two vests!
Oh, hell to the no!