In My Younger Days
🔸 20 Something: I flirted my way out of a traffic ticket by inching a mini skirt into a micro skirt, exploiting my glorious gams. We’re talking seatbelt, speeding, and…
If Men Had A Uterus
1. Going forward, Aunt Flo's visits will be man-dated to 3-5 business days, open on weekends. 2. Masculine hygiene commercials would depict a hockey slash/gash crime scene with blood flowing…
My Blood Type Is B Positive
Whenever I'm asked what I'm grateful for, I fire off perfunctory answers like health, happiness, and a crisp sauvignon blanc. However, to live your best life, you have to acknowledge…
The Sound of [Middle-Age] Silence
Hello darkness my old friend I’ve come to dye the grey again The silver lining’s hiding way down there Wiry strands of tinsel ripped out bare And my vision, astigmatism…
Inappropriate Much?
If you know what rabbit ears and tinfoil have in common, book a colonoscopy tout suite! We grew up in the socially oblivious, footloose and fancy free era of entertainment.…
Eight Things My Kids Don’t Need To Know
🍺 My room was disgusting. Dirty dishes piled up under my bed, and mountains of 1) clean, 2) worn-but-wearable, and 3) downright nasty clothes covered the floor. The quickest way…
Nine Facts To Remember As We Grow Older
9. Death is the No. 1 killer in the world. 8. Life is sexually transmitted. 7. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 6.…
Sold! ❀ The End of a Beautiful Chapter
Well, this is it. The last twenty-five years of my life packed into multiple moving boxes, awaiting their new home. For the past eight weeks, I’ve sacrificed blood, sweat, and…
Sangria Sisters Do’s and Don’ts
Don’t 1. Don’t put your money where your mouth is, that’s gross. 2. No nudie pics into cyberspace, unless you're cool with Uncle Wayne stargazing Uranus. 3. Ditch the open-toe…
