University Archives - Sangria Sisters

5 days ago

ELF ON A SHELF – POLICE BLOTTERAnother sad story of a famous child gnome, whose top-billing went straight to his dome. His youth spent in a supporting role at the pole, eventually took a toll on the troll.Officers responded to the call to find the elf-deprecating lad soliciting a vixen. “This fruitcake heaved on my cleave, asked to slam my clam, and offered a bauble for a hob-gobble,” alleged Holly the Hussy.“I elfed up,” the seemingly angelic imp admitted after police illuminated the scandal by candle.The well-known Christmas nymph claimed they had consensual nookie while baking cookies, but Holly was miffed ‘bout his gift. “I thought women adored being adorned with crown jewels,” exclaimed the Hollywood sprite.“Good golly,” said Holly, “Aren’t you THE elf on a shelf?” She wiggled and giggled, “You must be rolling in we(elf)!”“I’ll ask the man in red to pay the price on my head,” the elf rued. He gave Santa a jingle, and all charges were dropped. Hush money lesson learned, a (chest)nut to the gut. His publicist reports he’s getting the help he needs, building elf-confidence and doing good deeds.Said the contrite elf, “All I wanted was a happy ending!”🤩 You can rate our blog on y-elfsangriasisters.ca/elf-on-a-shelf-police-blotter/ ... See MoreSee Less

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1 week ago

On this #GivingTuesday give the gift of love to hard to buy for family and friends! Make a positive impact by joining the Hunger Hero program, donating, or volunteering with @bb4ck Those hungry little tummies thank you! 😋 ... See MoreSee Less

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1 week ago

Abbygale is by far my favourite daughter and she turns 25 today!!💕 Happiest of birthdays Sunshine!!🥂🍾 ... See MoreSee Less

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2 weeks ago

A SMALL MARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE 🍿Tiffany enters the scene clutching her pearls and a pumpkin spice latte. A merger and acquisition executive in the big city of Ballsack, Tiffany’s been tasked with ensuring the smooth takeover of Gnome Hardware in her hometown of Climax. And, she has only two days to close the deal!With snow blustering sideways, Tiffany braves her way down memory lane, swiping drips of snot across her face with an angora mitten. Christmas lights strewn across store fronts accentuate the icicles on her goatee. She makes a mental note to book a celebratory wax once the deal is clinched.At 5’2”, miniature Mark, a talented tight end in high school, suffered a career ending injury, cutting his professional fencing gig short. Fortunately, he sees just fine with his remaining eye. Mark had no choice but to return home and run the family hardware store after Grandpa got run over by a Rainier Beer truck.Tiffany peers through the shop window at the nativity scene, when the two of them lock ‘eye’. Sparks ignite, flames rekindle, loins burn, etc, etc. Bottom line is, he’s itchin’ to feliz her navidad.Rolling sugar cookies like the pottery scene in Ghost, this saccharine sweet plot threatens Type 2 diabetes. He slips a diamond ring on the stick finger of a snowman, expecting to ask her hand in marriage. However, the sight of mini Mark running gingerly through the Christmas tree farm gives Tiff the ick.Mark is adamant Tiffany quit her job, move home, and breed a family of four. And he’s had it up to …well, just here, that she doesn’t know the difference between a robertson and a phillips. A dealbreaker in his eye. Frosty is no match for the warm chinook arch, and the engagement ring is lost forever.Tiffany exclaims, “Mark, you’re a bum. You’re controlling, short sighted, and annoying AF. This snagglepuss is exiting stage left.”Mark moves on to become an Uber driver, confident only with left turns. While Tiffany, the newly crowned princess of Monaco, is dreaming of a white chablis with every Christmas card she writes….stopping short at Mark!🎬 Produced by the Sangria Sisters, Filmed in Ballsack, ABsangriasisters.ca/a-small-mark-christmas-movie/ ... See MoreSee Less

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