Forgetfulness Archives - Sangria Sisters

7 days ago

A FATHER’S DAY SALUTE TO ALL THE SEMEN OUT THEREOur Mother’s Day blog, “The Amazing Race: Ovarian Edition,” outlined the sophisticated phenom of the almighty ovum. In sharp contrast to a monthly single egg roll-out, males mass-produce 1,500 boneheaded sperm every second. That takes a lot of spunk.This boink juice blob of genes with a tail rarely swims in a straight line. Most don’t make it anywhere near the egg, because the vast majority are (un)born losers. They race the wrong way, doddle, swerve into oncoming traffic, and sputter out in an effort to go the distance. Thus proving, men’s inability to ask for directions is imprinted in their DNA.Sperm of the moment fun facts:💦 The average male manufactures roughly 525 BILLION sperm in a lifetime.💦 An ejaculation contains 100 to 300 million sperm, all who believed they were going for gold. Talk about stiff competition.💦 With all that disposable sperm, males only ejaculate ½ to 1 teaspoon of seminal fluid.💦 The tortuous journey to reach the egg takes speed and stamina.💦 Female swimmers are slower, but persistently last longer. Male swimmers are quick out the gate but die sooner.💦 Sperm dick-tates the X or Y gender chromosome of the baby.💦 How many potential siblings fell to a sudden death in a kleenex or sock?💦 After sperm penetrates egg on the corner of Drunk and Horny, the egg immediately holds up a hand in a hard no, cockblocking further seeds from entering.The fact is, each of us begin as only one big cell, and cum from a couple of nuts. That’s amaze-balls!! ... See MoreSee Less

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Sangria Sisters Blog

1 week ago

@modernsteakca Rooftop Patio is the new 90210! ... See MoreSee Less

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Sangria Sisters Blog

2 weeks ago

TRAINING YOUR PELVIC FLOOR PUPPY For over half a decade I’ve been discovering cockamamie new things about my body. In countless conversations with girlfriends, the song is one and the same. Our catalogue of health hiccups covers titties, kitties, and the forbidden city. But there’s a new biological brainteaser in town, and her name is pelvic floor.This puppy is considered the grand central station of down below. The pelvic floor is a sling of muscles spanning from pubic bone to tail bone. Harnessing the bladder, vagina, uterus, urethra, bowel, rectum, and anus, our muff mutts constrict and relax to pee, poop, and have sex…in the order of your choosing.Impromptu piddles happen (hello, childbirth and menopause), so we’re headed back to obedience school for tips and tricks on how to housebreak your pooch!🚫 DON’T:✧ Don’t power pee, or strain to poop.✧ Stop urinating “just in case.” It trains the bladder to feel full at smaller volumes.✧ Regularly holding in your pee-pee can weaken the bladder muscles.✧ Don’t sit in the same position for hours.✧ Don’t hold your breath while exercising.✧ Squatting above public toilets prevents your bladder from fully emptying.✧ Don’t always carry items on the same side.✧ Don’t clench your belly and butt.✅ DO:✧ Potty train yourself to pee at regular intervals, every 2-4 hours.✧ Practice distracting yourself between intervals.✧ Reward good behaviour with treats and praise. Who’s a good girl!✧ Keep the urethra relaxed, allowing it to fully open.✧ Yoga poses like happy baby and cat/cow lengthen and loosen muscles.✧ Do 20 kegels three times a day. Imagine scooping up a blueberry in your underwear with your vagina.✧ The pelvic floor subconsciously tenses up in anticipation of painful sex. Liberally lube up.✧ See a pelvic floor physical therapist. Two sangria thumbs up for Governor General award winner @therealmariawu at Maud Medical Clinic✧ Stay tuned for more info about “The Vagina Ball” brought to you by Maud Medical Clinic, coming this fall!sangriasisters.ca/training-your-pelvic-floor-puppy/#newblogpost ... See MoreSee Less

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Sangria Sisters Blog is with Brown Bagging for Calgary's Kids.

3 weeks ago

Click here to have your gift matched!bb4ck.org/brown-bagging-it/ 💙💚❤️ 1 in 3 Alberta children are food insecure. Until May 31, you can double the number of lunches provided by Brown Bagging for Calgary's Kids Kids with the help of Arc Resources! 🫶 ... See MoreSee Less

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