I don’t have a kid, but I think I would be a good father,
especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
A generation ago, our fathers’ were off having a cool one while their wives delivered fresh buns from the oven. You wouldn’t find Pop changing a diaper or holding a bottle unless it came in a six-pack. One family car meant Dads’ sweet ride was pimped out with side panelling. Our father saved his pennies and in 1976 bought a luxury cruise ship called the SS Lincoln Continental. Thirty-eight years later that car is still his favourite baby.
In those days, men pretty much did as they pleased. The ol’ boys club held nightly meetings. There were no cell phones to check in, and asking for permission hadn’t been invented yet. Consequently, many nights were spent in the doghouse. I recently overheard a group of male friends barking about the length of their leash and longing for the freedom of their forefathers.
Dads’ were the original ATM’s. Can I borrow $10, I’ll pay you back later. They gave better rates than the bank and were generous contributors to their closest charity, their children. Please accept this Father’s Day card as a token of my poverty. Men kept busy providing for their families. By the time they were able to kick back in a La-Z-Boy, their babies were off having babies. If I’d known how much fun grandkids were I would have had them first instead.
Dad wasn’t much for discipline. When we asked for consent, he would always reply, “Go ask your Mother.” Mom was the one who kept our moral compass pointing north. The fear mongering threat of “wait till your Dad gets home” was more anticipation than confrontation. Time spent crying under the covers waiting, was the actual punishment.
Daddy is an intimidating presence for potential suitors. Dating rule 101 was that boys weren’t allowed to honk the horn for pick up. Sitting in a silent living room with a man whose look suggests, “I know how to avoid jail” ensured safe delivery home. Our husband’s address Dad as “The Don” and respectfully kiss the ring. It’s not until you’re knee deep in your own relationship that you notice your better half remarkably resembles your father.
There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family – Jerry Seinfeld
Times have changed considerably. Men work from home and tend to the children while their women head out for a round of golf, and girls night out. Now it’s the Mom’s who experience the mid-wife crisis. Our fathers’ start off with tough exteriors, but as they get older, they soften into teddy bears with claws. You can’t scare me, I have two daughters.
Thank You Dad, you’ve always been like a father to me…
Sangria Wine Rack
|Nothing says I love you like||Dadisms|
|Necktie and cufflinks||Do you think I’m made of money?|
|BBQ tool set||Get me a beer|
|Cheap Cologne||Pull my finger|
|Power tools||Measure twice, cut once|
|Books||Money doesn’t grow on trees|
|Fishing / Golf gear||You don’t know what hard work is|
|Coffee mug or ashtray||This is going to hurt you more than me|
|Nose hair trimmer||Were you born in a barn?|
|“World’s Best Dad” Shit||When I was your age...|
Recommended tunes you should have on your iPod:
George Michael ✤ Father Figure
Madonna ✮ Papa Don’t Preach
Harry Chapin ✦ Cats in the Cradle