We love golf for the challenge, the beautiful scenery, and the road trips. But what we love most are the people we share it with.
My drinking team has a golfing problem.
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
Golf…the classy way to avoid responsibilities.
Nobody ever looked up and saw a good shot.
Golf…violating the rules of fashion for the last 300 years.
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong ball.
The difference between a golf ball and a G-spot is a man will look for a golf ball.
It’s hard not to love it
Green or dance floor.
Happy Birdie to you…
Caddyshack is still an epic movie.
Now that I’m older I can hit the ball out of sight…
The beer cart girl is the grownup version of the ice cream man.
The most consistent and reliable shots are done at the 19th hole.
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do.
Drive for show, putt for dough.
I’ll shoot my age if I live to be 105.
You can talk to a fade, but a hook won’t listen.
A 2-foot putt counts the same as a 2-foot drive.
Ninety percent of the putts that are short don’t go in.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
A ‘Rock Hudson’ – a putt that looked straight, but wasn’t
A ‘Rodney King’ – over-clubbed
A ‘Miss Piggy’ – fat, but held onto the green
A ‘Princess Grace’ – should’ve used a driver
A ‘Princess Di’ – shouldn’t have used a driver
A ‘Condom’ – it’s safe, but it didn’t feel good
A ‘Saddam Hussein’ – from one bunker into another
Trash talking is inspirational.
The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
Golf is a game in which you yell “fore”, shoot 6, and write down 5.
It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.
Caddy – two women talking about a third, who isn’t there to defend herself.
A gimme is an agreement between golfers, none of whom can putt very well.
Talking to your ball won’t do any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
They call it golf because all other four-letter words were taken.
My golf game is so bad, I need to get my ball retriever regripped.
I know I am getting better because I am hitting fewer spectators.
No matter how bad you play, it is always possible to play worse.
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser.
Serious golf injuries may include blisters, dehydration, insect bites, sunburn.
You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time, but hit a two-inch branch 90% of the time.
Why we’re not on the tour: wormburners, shank, fat, thin, chunk, bogey, duff, hack, rough, slice, hook, whiff, fescue, traps, bunkers, the beach.
Sangria Wine Reel
♫ The club can’t even handle me right now ♪
Handicap or disability?
Shortest drive off the 18th tee is bar bitch for the day.
Mulligans, foot wedges and 10 second rules are never questioned when sanity is on the line.
If you can’t drink your way through 18 holes, take your sippy cup and head over to the mini putt-putt.