Entertainment

Top 10 Weird-Ass Truths About 2020

2020 came in like a wrecking ball, stripping away life as we know it. But if you look at this wretched year through rosé coloured goggles, you’ll find more silver linings than you can count!

1. All In The Family

Unless you’re Amish, you’ve probably never spent such a redonkulous amount of time cooped up with loved ones. The good news was our kids, now young adults, returned back to the nest. The bad news was our kids returned back to the nest.

Our youngins descended home like rioters at the Capitol. Much like the chamber guards, we welcomed them back with open doors. Quarantine was a gift, a once in a lifetime chance to reconnect smack dab inside the twilight zone.

Cohabitating with chicks after they’ve flown the coop clips both sides wings. When my acts-of-service love language wore thin, I thought flock this. If the cafeteria lady slash janitorial staff doesn’t go on strike, these space invaders will never leave!

2. Joy of Baking

When was the last time a woman ran around begging for more yeast? So 2020.

3. Humanity Divided

Like a covid cappuccino, the cream of compassion rose to the top. Community spirit such as saucepan symphonies, shop local, save hospitality, and the Good News Movement banded us together. On the flip side, humanity took a beating with the ugly stick by the Judge Judy’s and Karen’s who touted their Turrets in public. (Apologies to our homegirls Karen and Judy).

4. Shitshow Down Below

In 2020, the United States (hold the united) had its own iron curtain moment. When the drapes dropped, it revealed a country dismally divided by race, politics, and class. The big orange Oz was tweeting voter fraud in Kansas whilst grabbing Dorothy’s pussy, exposing that he too is missing a heart, a brain, and a clue.

5. Standing in Line

We always used to grease the bouncers at nightclubs. Can I do the same to the Greeter at Walmart?

6. Last Action Hero

I have a longstanding beef with overpaid athletes and actors. The salary discrepancy between Wonder Woman and a nurse is a Marvel. The real stars wielding the golden lasso are teachers, care givers, nurses, doctors, first responders, grocery store, supply chain, sanitation, liquor store and cannabis workers. These capeless heroes deserve signing bonuses and royalties.

7. Dog Bonanza

The most precious part of 2020 was PUPPIES! Everyone and their dog got a dog. With time to train and kids to entertain, families were bitten by the canine craze. Unlike your spouse, these bitches provide unconditional love and sloppy kisses. Freedom was found at the off leash park.

8. Plugged In

How’s a girl to binge watch a season of soft porn (Bridgerton) when the family is sucking her bandwidth? Just when I thought my screen time couldn’t possibly surge, along came Zoom marathon parties and online games, Brady Bunch style. No DD or pants required.

Sweatpants without zippers were a gateway to excess drinking and eating. Online exercise became a sanity saver. Who doesn’t love to hit the “gym” ten minutes after rolling out of bed?

9. Downtime

In a world that moves too fast, the halt to the grind was a welcome respite. With a wide open ICal, creatives emerged out the ashes; a lesson in resilience. Now it’s time to come up with a new excuse for shit I’ve been putting off for years.

10. Outdoor Action

This summer, I learned there were no pickles in pickleball. After months in a streaming deep dive, the great outdoors was a breath of fresh air. We hit the ground running so hard that bikes, skates, skis, golf, camping, and hiking gear are impossible to find.

Welcome 2021, we are cautiously optimistic you made it here at all!

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Join the discussion

  1. Kendra Koss

    As always, brilliantly captured with unending wit!

  2. Bonnie

    Love this! You can always find a positive spin!

  3. Catherine

    Thanks for reminding us of all the positives of 2020 as we are always inundated with the negatives. Your humorous take on the year is a breath of fresh air!

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