I’m envious of the year Facebook says I had.
As this year comes to a close, we say sayonara to 2015. Adios, good riddance, don’t let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out. Globally, budget cuts have dimmed the light at the end of the tunnel. The release date for a “Peace on earth” app has been pushed back a hundred years. Here at home, we’re missing our Dad and two lovely aunts.
High: In a third world game changer, a machine called the Omniprocessor is being developed to turn human waste into drinkable water. Finally, an end to eat shit and die.
Low: The world was shocked by an attack on satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris. Controversy over ‘who drew first’ ended with the death of 12 journalists.
In his last year of community hockey, Brennan won his first Esso minor hockey week gold medal. However, a goon’s vicious hit resulted in crutches, a sprained MCL, and a month off. Auntie Lori ensured the instigators body was never found.
High: Soul singer Sam Smith gave thanks at the Grammy awards to the boyfriend who didn’t stay with him. Heartbreak inspired the album that took home four Grammy awards.
Low: Comedians like Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld no longer play college campuses, citing politically correct youngins just don’t know how to take a joke. Have yourself a merry little day in December.
Our only high this month came in the form of self-medication. Dad was near the end of his battle. Dear cancer, I hope you get cancer and die!
High: Scientists have discovered a new way of roasting cocoa beans that add more flavour to dark chocolate. It contains higher polyphenols, the same antioxidants found in red wine.
Low: A group of women’s rights activists in China were arrested for “picking quarrels and causing trouble.” They were handing out leaflets on sexual harassment in public transit.
We lost our father on March 2. A Loving Tribute To Our Dad shows why he was a one of a kind man. Three days later, Lori’s friend’s 18-year-old son passed away. March Madness took on new meaning. (Click links to see posts.)
High: Harper Lee celebrated her 89th birthday. Months later, the reclusive author of Val’s favourite book To Kill A Mockingbird published the sequel, a mere 55 years after the original.
Low: In Nigeria, Boko Haram kidnapped 276 schoolgirls, prompting the world solidarity movement #BringBackOurGirls. Sadly, the majority of the girls still haven’t been found.
We were numb, under water, on autopilot. Friends wrapped us in a cocoon of support. We emerged eight weeks later, because if a totally rad 80’s party can’t bring you back, nothing will.
High: Kate Middleton gives birth to her second child with Prince William. This little bundle of majestic joy inherits the title ‘Her Royal Highness Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.’
Low: The Duggars confirm their son Josh, the oldest of 19 kids, was guilty of molesting four of his younger sisters and a babysitter. Dear Mrs. Dugger: it’s a vagina, not a clown car.
We spent much of May preparing for our son’s Grad. ConGRADulations To My Firstborn was a labour of love. We celebrated Mother’s day with Mom and her siblings. The Calgary Flames advanced to the second round of playoffs.
High: Love Wins! The Supremes rule in favour of same sex marriage, making it legal in all 50 states. LGBT couples publicly declare that they deserve to be miserable too.
Low: Brian Williams, one of Val’s celebrity crushes, is removed as anchor of NBC’s Nightly News for embellishing wartime experiences in Iraq. Credibility has left the building.
We spent hours preparing, practicing, and pissing our pants at our first public speaking engagement. I’m picturing you naked speaks to our fear. At the Diva ladies golf tournament in Swift Current, our fabulous drinking team had a golf problem.
High: On her 18th birthday, Malala Yousafzai, the young women who was shot in the head by the Taliban for advocating female education, opened her first school for girls.
Low: Cecil the lion, one of Zimbabwe’s famous imperial creatures, was shot and killed by a dentist from Minnesota. The hunter then became the hunted.
We train year round for the Calgary Stampede because it’s a marathon, not a sprint. We pieced together our week in the Seven Deadly Sins of Stampede. July was when our girl Abby obtained her driver’s license, and we gained a DD.
High: For the first time ever, Gap featured models with disabilities in a fashion show. One of the beautiful models was 9-year-old Kayla Kosmalski who has Down Syndrome.
Low: On a scale of 1 to Greece, how broke are we? Greece and the Eurozone agreed to a third bailout. The deal eliminates the fear of a ‘Grexit’ in the foreseeable future.
August was spent chillin’ with family and friends. On beaches, golf courses, and backyards. We prepare for our oldest to fly the coop in University Bound.
High: NASA confirmed the existence of flowing liquid water on Mars, fueling the possibility of little green men on the red planet.
Low: I wish I could hide my gas emissions as well as Volkswagen. The automaker admits to using software to cheat on diesel emissions tests. Herbie’s not feelin’ the love.
We had the trip of a lifetime in Checking Off The Bucket List. After dumping off the kid at St. FX, we explored the beauty of Nova Scotia with Mom. Val’s birthday bash at Vin Gogh Paint and Sip was a work of art.
High: Apple releases a new middle finger emoji. Just in time for the Beliebers.
Low: After singing just one song, Justin Bieber stormed off a stage in Norway. He defended his tantrum by whining that fans in the front row just wouldn’t listen.
In October, we mingled with a roomful of YYC bloggers and social media peeps at the first interactive modern board games night. Our third kid Nolan got his license, and now we each own our own DD.
High: The UNiTE to End Violence against Women campaign invited us to Orange the world, promoting action against gender based violence.
Low: In Paris, ISIS suicide bombers killed 130 people and wounded over 350 others. In the 24 hours following the attack, #Pray for Paris was shared by 70 million people on Instagram.
Val and Ken hung loose in Hawaii for their 20th wedding anniversary. A Tale Of Two Wedding Dresses explains why Val owns two wedding dresses, when she’s only been married once.
High: After the birth of their first baby, Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Dr. Priscilla Chan pledge to donate 99% of their Facebook stock, worth about $45 billion, toward children’s equality.
Low: Look out below! The price of oil dips below $40 a barrel, prompting the loonie to drop to an eleven year low. It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
We’re still adjusting to our new normal. Fraternizing with friends keeps us sane. When life hands us lemons, we break out the tequila…because that’s what Saskatchewan girls do. We’re excited to unveil our new website in January. Stay tuned!
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