Entertainment

Irrational Fears

I have a fear of speed bumps…
But I’m slowly getting over it.

I developed a deep-seated fear of Pennywise the Clown after reading the Stephen King book It. Every time I see steam rising from a sewer drain, I know he’s there waiting for me.

I get claustrophobic in crowds or small tight spaces. I fainted at my very first concert. Toronto and the Headpins were rockin’ out when I hit the floor, but I wasn’t dancing.

Neck adjustments at the chiropractor aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Going down…in a plane.

Teen pregnancy. Theirs, not yours. Same fear — different uterus.

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You don’t find black ice, black ice finds you. Over the years I’ve spun 360’s, nose-dived into the ditch, and crossed onto the other side of the divided highway. I white-knuckle whiteouts like a pro. You can’t scare me…I’m from Saskatchewan.

I find it paralyzing to follow semi-trucks carrying metal pipes or logs.

Hitting a wild animal on the highway, not wanting it to suffer, and having to finish it off with my 7 iron.

One of my biggest fears is having my boat capsize at night, and I’m forced to tread water in the pitch black while waiting for a rescue.

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Seaweed freaks me out, as do fish that swim too close to my legs. Jaws scarred me for life.

Invasive dental drilling, or getting penetrated by an invasive dentist.

Creepy white cargo vans. Buffalo Bill is waiting inside hoping to turn my size 12 frame into a skin suit.

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Close talkers that encroach upon my space, and get up in my face.

Confrontation. Unless Menopausal Mama shows up looking for an excuse to kick some ass.

Shoes that aren’t slip-ons.

Clogged toilets.

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Horses smell fear. I was almost beheaded by a high-strung filly that bolted underneath a clothesline.

Shiny opal colored roast beef. Rainbows were intended for trout, not meat.

Bathing suit shopping, and the horror of fluorescent lighting.

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Having your kitty hair removed.

Melanoma lurking on my polka dot skin.

Lower spine osteoporosis, where I’ll be stuck looking at my toes for the rest of my life. Year round pedicures would be expensive.

Roofied. If I’m going to lay motionless during sex, I’d prefer it to be with my husband.

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Ghost cars. Unless it’s a friendly cop named Casper.

Making a conscience decision to come home without swinging by the liquor store. I was sure I had a bottle waiting for me, but I was wrong. (Insert blood-curdling scream here.)

We just met the Grim Reaper, so we’re not as afraid anymore. We kicked him in the nuts, stole his scythe, and sent him on his way.

Parallel parking. Me, not Her. She’s an excellent driver.

These are a few of our irrational fears. We invite you to comment about yours.

Sangria Wine Rack

‘A’ctual PhobiasAkaBest Defense
AulophobiaFear of flutesPull your lips in tight over your teeth.
Asymmetriphobia Fear of asymmetrical thingsGet a bob.
Arachibutyrophobia Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouthBreathe through your nose.
Ankylophobia Fear of immobility of a jointThe Sisters will help you move it.
AllodoxaphobiaFear of opinionsDon’t ask for them.
Auroraphobia Fear of Northern lightsTry facing south

Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Ella Henderson ✦ Ghost
Jim Stafford ✤ Spiders and Snakes
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band ✸ Fishin’ In The Dark

Check out this week’s Sister Shout Out ~ Terri Champagne Photography

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  1. Ken MacLean

    The Exorcist!!!! Why I stopped practicing as a Catholic:)

  2. Margot

    ahahahahah good one Sangria Sistahs! Anxiety Grrrrl approves 😉

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