Impatience: A Beginner’s Guide To Losing Your Cool

1. Patience: What naturally occurs when there are too many witnesses.

2. Mercy: The most important ingredient in love, marriage, and children (see also: Tranquilizers).

3. Tolerance: The reason you dislike people standing in line in front of you. Everyone behind you is cool.

4. Perseverance: Freeing a toy from its packaging without a jackhammer, torch, or chainsaw.

5. Grit: How we face life’s challenges. I can be chill with my friends, and chilly to my family.

6. Calm: Troubleshooting technology for your parents (see also: The people who taught you to wipe your own ass).

7. Persistence: When the colour wheel won’t stop spinning because you jabbed the key a zillion times.

8. Self-control: Every time you see ‘login/password incorrect’ without smashing the screen.

9. Long-suffering: Did you know we spend roughly six months of our life waiting at traffic lights?

10. Restraint: Drivers who speed up to pass you, and then slow down.

11. Serenity: God give me patience, cause if you give me strength, I may kill them.

12. Endurance: Doing everything possible to induce labour when you’re a week overdue.

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