Whenever I’m asked what I’m grateful for, I list off perfunctory answers like health, happiness, and a crisp sauvingnon blanc. But in order to live your best life, you’ve got to pay attention to the small shit. The following features overlooked, unappreciated, everyday reasons to be grateful.
1. Elastic waistbands.
2. Cheese. You never forget your first love.
3. All the Norma Rae’s and strong women who came before us, paving the way for a smoother (Sally) ride.
4. Recognizing that when bad shit happens, it’s often for the greater good.
5. Grateful for books you can get lost in. It beats the hell out of reality.
Accentuate the positives – Medicate the negatives
6. No camera phones to capture our misspent youth.
7. Friends we learned to drink with all those years ago, still tipping a pint with us now.
8. Curse words that make me sound like a fuckity-fuck-fuck lady rather than a goddamn dick.
9. Growing up in an era where nobody gave a rat’s ass about being politically correct.
10. A designated driver husband who drives me home…and then drives me home.
The luxury of having older kids is you get to pee alone
11. Unhinging the bra that binds me.
12. Never having to step out of my car in hobo attire on the kids early morning commute to school.
13. Thankful my vagina wasn’t blown to smithereens while birthing an 11 lb. – 10 oz. baby.
14. Crawling into freshly washed sheets. Teenage boys who missed laundry days found themselves in sticky situations.
15. The sound of the garage door opening when the kids arrive home safely. They complain there’s nothing to do, and then stay out all night doing it.
My blood type is B Positive
16. Shows like the Biggest Loser for allowing me to feel like I was working out, when I was actually sitting on my ass with a cheese platter.
17. Hair products that hide my wisdom highlights. Ponytail holders, I love you the most.
18. The evolution of baggy sweatpants to stylish yoga pants. More commonly known as our uniform.
19. Toenail polish that makes all feet look pretty from a distance.
20. Finding a primo parking spot.
We’re especially grateful for our subscribers. We bask in the glow of your kind words and feedback. The next time someone asks what I’m grateful for, I’ll reply “how much time do you have!”
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