Holidaze

Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun

In our 20’s, Halloween was a riot. We’d show up at community hall cabarets and announce “I’m only here for the boo’s.” Taking shots every time you saw a slutty costume was as dangerous as driving a porcelain bus. While other babies dressed up like lollypop-sucking strippers, I sported a bald cap, diapers, and oversized soother. The drunks rubbed my head for good luck.

Bippity Bobbity Boo. I’d rather have a martini or two.
When we were young, Mom was the wizard of homemade costumes. She believed you either committed to the character, or looked half-assed. If you’re gonna wear a ghost costume with conviction, you might as well get sheet-faced. Dad dressed as a boo-tiful ballerina or the jolly green giant, while Mom’s scarecrow was outstanding in her field.

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If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
The first movie I watched through my fingers was Halloween. I never looked at knitting needles the same way. Jason taught us that Friday kicks off a killer weekend. Texas Chainsaw Massacre villains disarmed people and carved them up like pumpkins. My nightmares weren’t only on Elm Street. Macabre mind-fuck movies like the Exorcist and Omen were more up my dark alley. Of corpse, iconic movies aren’t nearly as hair-raising without a bitchin’ soundtrack.

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This witch can be bribed with chocolate.
The best part of Halloween is goblin up the goodies. I stuff my wrappers in a Smarties box to hide the carnage. Those fun-size candy bars are smaller than some of the vitamins I choke back, giving me permission to hoover. I’ve run out of candy more times than I can count after losing all self-control. Women flash each other knowing smiles in the supermarket checkout, as we sheepishly replenish our stock.

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Drink up witches.
My husband Scott dressed in drag one year and was so convincing with his frosted tips and mini-skirt, he couldn’t walk to the bar without being hit on. Twerk or treat. From Cleopatra to Pippi Longstocking, every year was spook-tacular. To this day, we still love a good theme party. Whether it’s 80’s Madonna, or a crack hoe at the Pimp & Prostitute party, we’ll always give fangs for the memories. Happy Hallo’ Wine!

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Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Radiohead ✹ Creep
Michael Jackson ✪ Thriller
Warren Zevon ✤ Werewolves of London

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  1. Dawn

    Awesome pics “Happeee HallooooooooWinnnnnnnnne” to u my friends in Calgary. Luv ya!

    • Sangria Sisters

      Back at ya Dawn! We’re going to a Halloween party where you have to dress like a Tom Cruise character. I’m Stacee Jaxx from Rock of Ages, and Ken is Maverick from Top Gun!

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