Forgive Me Sisters, For I Have Sinned

It’s been 33 years since my last confession.

In high school, I was suspended three days for skipping Algebra. I’d bang away at quadratic equations, but graphing is where I draw the line. If I had a dollar for every time Algebra helped me, I’d have 3x-q dollars.

Hindsight and wisdom has shown me how easily I was caught. I repeatedly missed third period. You can’t attend the first two classes, and have on-going appointments right before lunch. Turns out I did need some schoolin’.

The extra time was used to hang with friends, cruise for boys, or sneak down to the butt lounge. Yes kids, back in the day nic-o-teen was allowed inside the school. To this day, the smell of Du Maurier lights takes my breath away…

By midterm, my mark was 32% and falling steadily. When Mr. Hnatiuk finally narced on me, I was the reality star of my own shit show. The Vice Principal and Mom were harsh judges.

Birth, death, home life, and straight up stupidity created the perfect asshole. I was immortal, untouchable and didn’t give a shit.

The silver lining was that my teacher [who wasn’t a dick after all] used his time to tutor me at lunch, bringing my grade up to 64 by finals. I could C the degree!

To absolve me of my sins, I was put on suspension, not to set foot on school grounds for three days. One more unexcused absence would find my ass shipped off to Notre Dame.

Penance was served at home. No friends, no phone calls, no social life for one month. I wonder if our Geometry forefathers saw the irony of putting a square cap [and gown] onto a round head.

So cheers to Mr Hnatiuk and all other teachers, doing their best with ungrateful little bastards like me. Your summer vacay is just around the corner…

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  1. Margot

    AWESOME story 🙂

  2. Joanne

    I remember that! Scared us all straight. If a straight C student is getting suspended – the rest of us didn’t stand a chance! Good times…

  3. Denise

    Ahhh high school and those teachers brings back ………… memories I Enjoy your blogs, Lori.

  4. Michelle Schurman

    I can relate. Math was never my strong suit either. Turns out I married my tutor! LOL!

  5. Dawn Pighin

    OMG that was so kinda me in high school confidential lol Never got grounded cause my parents were never home.

  6. Danny Miller

    Love this! So many memories. It’s comforting to know I wasn’t the only one constantly in trouble both at school and at home.

  7. Mr. H

    What a beautiful soul you have become…
    Mr. H

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