First World Problems

If you ever needed perspective, think of the hardships our foremothers endured. Life on that little house on the prairie was no picnic.

Case in point:

I hate laundry so much I force-feed Tide pods into my spacious front loaders mouth VS. Can you say wringer washer? Ma spent a lot of time online… hanging clothes in the backyard.

I don’t know who needs to see this, but your laundry needs to be put in the dryer. You’re welcome!

Many people have eaten in my gourmet kitchen and gone on to lead normal healthy lives VS. The family dined on seared squirrel, while you shovelled coal into a potbelly stove.

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live.

A grocery cart with a bum wheel VS. Your horse lost a shoe on route to the Trading Post.

Not enough gluten-free dairy-free options VS. Shut up and eat your lard.

Would you care for tap, still, bottled, sparkling, peanut-safe, or free-range water? VS. Off to fetch a pail of water, back in half an hour.

A broke condom is a bitter [morning after] pill to swallow VS. Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a bit of fun. Sadly for Jill it was before the pill, and now they have a son.

Winter tires are an expensive essential VS. Trudging through the snow behind my oxen.

Ugh, I only have hypoallergenic, gentle glide, fresh scent, super plus tampons VS. Ugh, I only have a cotton rag and sanitary belt. Hope my bloomers don’t stain.

When your shampoo and conditioner never run out at the same time VS. Set hair in plastic rollers, sit under inflatable bonnet with hot air hose, tease it to Jesus, Aquanet until it defies gravity. Repeat.

🍷 FUN FACT: Our maiden name is PILGRIM

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