Holidaze

Elf On A Shelf – Police Blotter

Another sad story of a child gnome whose brush with fame went straight to his dome. “I elfed up,” the angelic elf admitted after police illuminated the scandal by candle.

A childhood spent as a mole for the Pole eventually took its toll on the troll.

Police responded to the call to find the elf-deprecating youth cracking jokes with a strumpet. Holly, who ain’t so jolly, cried “The fairy heaved on my eve, then barfed on my hearth.”

“He wanted to slam my clam, leave something shocking in my stocking,” Holly alleged. “Pull your elf together,” she hissed. “Officer, put this dwarf on a wharf and send the brownie outta townie!”

The well-known Christmas nymph responded, saying they had consensual nookie baking cookies, but she was miffed ‘bout a gift. “I thought women liked vacuums, sucks wee dirt off a tree skirt.” said the stunned sprite.

Holly said “Golly, aren’t you the Elf On A Shelf?” She wiggled and giggled, “You must be rolling in we(elf)!”

“Can this midget punch digits?” wondered the Elf, as he sized up the bell on his cell. “Let me ask if the Man in Red can pay the price on my head.”

He gave Santa a jingle, and charges were dropped. Harsh lessons learned, a (chest)nut to the gut. His publicist reports he’s getting help that he needs. Building elf-confidence and doing good deeds.

Said the contrite Elf, “All I wanted was a Happy Ending!”

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  1. Ken MacLean

    Really, a new Christmas classic. Better than the Grinch and who does not like happy endings. I always wondered what his story was all about!

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